It's almost winter and everything is terrible. It's cold, but not cold enough for snow. It gets dark at, like, noon. Christmas shopping's ruining your life. Your life's a joke, you're broke! Yadda, yadda, yadda.
Sometimes, there is literally nothing else you can do but just draw a hot bath and then soak in it until you can't feel your face.
Baths are so nice. Sylvia Plath agrees! She wrote, "There must be quite a few things that a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them." I like to think, now that I live just down the street from where Sylvia lived and learned at Smith College, that I am continuing in a long and storied legacy of literary ladies soaking their sadness away little by little.
If you're a bath lover like myself, you'll be pleased as punch to know tomorrow. Saturday, is finally the day you've been waiting for all year: National Bathtub Party Day! Finally, a festivus for the most stressed of us.
It's not like I need any sort of holiday to justify spending hours in hot water, but it's nice to feel validated in some small way. Thanks, random committee tasked with designating random days throughout the year to be holidays dedicated to even the most mundane of activities! (Yes, I am aware it's all marketing. No, I don't care. Capitalism foreverrrrrr!)
As the resident bath expert around here (Bathpert? Sudficionado? Bubblenthusiast?), I'm here to present you with my top tips for the best bath possible. First, a photo in memory of The Best Bath I Ever Took™, while I was staying at a really fancy gynecologist's apartment in New Orleans. Sigh. I miss you, fancy bath.
Bubbles aren't necessary for a great bath but they sure are fun. If you want the bubbliest bath possible, you gotta go old-school. I'm talkin' elementary school. Mr. Bubble.
Still found in its OG pink bottle, you can pick up 36 ounces of this stuff at your local drugstore for less than $5. It's not the most luxurious or high-end experience, but, um, it's called Mr. Bubble and it's made for children. And I love it.
For a slightly more grownup experience without a grownup price tag, opt for Dr. Teal's. For less than $8, you can pick up a big bottle of one of Dr. Teal's many foaming bath products or a giant bag of their Epsom salts.
Dr. Teal's bath products are my go-to. After a stressful day, I love to pour their Soothe & Sleep Foaming Bath into my tub and soak until I'm ready for bed. The lavender calms my busy mind while epsom salts and essential oils ease my muscles and help my skin.
Add some color.
If you're not a bubble person, might I interest you in a bath bomb or two? (I mean, duh.) Lots of bath bombs are chock full of good-for-your-skin ingredients like shea butters, coconut oils, or even fresh fruit ingredients. Lush makes some of my all time favorites, like their Avobath made with real avocados and olive oil or Sex Bomb with jasmine, clary sage, and ylang ylang.
Another great source of bath bombs is the Naples Soap Company. If you're in Southwest Florida, you've probably hit this place up, but if you aren't, the website's worth a gander. Their Pacific Ocean Bath Bomb is my savior during the winter when I crave warm, beachside days something fierce.
Stay hydrated... or not.
A hot bath will fulfill you in so many ways, but in terms of hydration, it's actually not great. Hot water makes you sweat and actually leaves you dehydrated, so it's important to down a couple La Croix's post-bath. While bathing, though, I prefer to drink only the finest of bev's. Like, ya know, whatever wine is less than $11.
Pour a glass of wine, sip a cold beer, or fix yourself a cocktail and have yourself a Damn Bath. Are you a teetotaler? No worries. You, too, can get in on our bath beverage vibe with a fancy, virgin concoction like one of those expensive juices, or my personal lord and savior, Diet Coke. Cheers!
Keep yourself entertained.
Sometimes when I take a bath, I really do want to just soak in silence. Baths are where I meditate and pray and think about Kanye. If it's been a particularly trying day, I'll fill the tub, light a candle, turn the lights off, and wait for some sense of stillness.
Occasionally, I bring a book into the bath with me. Certain books were just made to be read in a hot bath, right? I can't imagine reading Jane Austen any other way, really.
But most days, I just wanna watch three-and-a-half episodes of Gossip Girl while I down a box of cab sav.
When in da tub, it can be difficult to Netflix and Chill without the situation turning into a very expensive Netflix and Spill (sorry), but all you need is some sort of secure chair or stool next to the tub you can put your laptop/iPad/whatever on. After you get in, go ahead and "Press Play" before you get your hands wet. Then, peacefully watch your favorite episode or three.
Now, make it a party.
Hot water and wine alone do not a party make. (Unless you are turning said hot water into wine, in which case: Hey, dude, I think you're Jesus?!) Kick your #BathtubParty game up several notches by Skyping in your best girlfriends. (Or dudefriends. I don't know your life!) My girls and I can attest to this. As if FaceTime/Skype/Google Hangout wasn't fun enough, just imagine it naked. Everything's better naked.
Because, if your closest friends haven't seen your boobs, how close can you actually be?
Now it's your turn to share in the comments. Oh, and all you "shower people" can SEE YOURSELVES OUT NOW. What is even the DEAL with people who enjoy standing up while hot water gets sprayed into their eyes? You people need to learn to love yourselves better.
- What's the fanciest bath you've ever taken?
- Have you ever thrown a #BathtubParty? Hashtag your #BathtubParty Instagrams this weekend!
- My final pro tip? Post a sexy bath pic if you need some "What are you up to?" texts tonight. 60% of the time, it works every time.