Start Working On Your Bacne Now So You Can Be As Naked As You Wanna Be When It Gets Warm

Are people still making "Sexy Back" references? "Suit and Tie" doesn't work for this article.
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Are people still making "Sexy Back" references? "Suit and Tie" doesn't work for this article.

When I say I spend on my back, I don’t usually mean I'm lying down; rather, it involves rowing-like exercises on suspension trainers to avoid Shar Pei-esque rolls, and some sort of scrubbing or slathering action.

I know a lot of you are still recovering from snow, but if you want to get a clean, clear back in time for summer (or whenever it is you start personally start to walk around close to naked), you gotta start workin’ on it now. And when Marci saw this photo of me on Instagram, she decided I should be the one that tells you how.

Coming to you soon - a back you'd want to Instagram!

Coming to you soon - a back you'd want to Instagram!

CHECK OUT YOUR BACK

This might require a little flexibility. Or mirrors. See what bumpiness you’ve got behind you. Where does your bacne happen most?

If you have zits on your shoulders and closer to your hair, your hair products might be the culprit. If they’re closer to your bra straps, or the areas that your sports bra lie, you probably need to clean those things better, or throw them out and get new ones.

Also, throw out that loofah or shower sponge. These can be where the acne-causing bacteria are having orgies and you don’t even know it. (They are very quiet orgies.)

Make sure your sheets are washed regularly too! Good about that but still breaking out? Your laundry detergent might be the problem.

It might take some time to find the triggers of your bacne, but it’s gonna be worth it. That backless dress isn’t going to wear itself!

TREAT IT

Treat your bacne like you would your face. Use a salicylic-based regimen like the Bliss No Zit Sherlock system to wipe out any last traces of bacteria that may be lingering. At night, treat the spots with an acne formula that contains benzoyl peroxide, like Clinique Acne Solutions Emergency Gel-Lotion. (BP has the potential to bleach what you're wearing and lying on, so stick to white t-shirts and white sheets while you're doing this.) You may also want use tea tree soap in the shower.

When you’re trying to clear your pimply back, wear loose breathable clothing as much as possible. Yes, you may wear a sack now, but you’ll want to wear nothing to show off your sensational back soon. Be persistent and consistent!

That little brown blob in the water? That's me, showing off my back to the fishies.

That little brown blob in the water? That's me, showing off my back to the fishies.

GET SCRUBBIN’

Once you notice some improvements on your back, you get start exfoliating with a body scrub; or if you’re like me and enjoy a hearty, unadulterated scrub down, I suggest you use the The Body Shop’s Cactus Body Brush. I tell ya, this brush scrubs you good. I like to clean it out with hot water once a week and dry it out in the sun to get rid of the nasties that could possibly be lying around in this brush, too.

KEEPING IN CLEAR

You’ve been keeping to your regimen and your back is clearer than a baby’s! You can finally see all that back muscle (bacle?) you’ve been working on. Now to keep it that way, you need to keep your shizz clean.

Use sunscreen. If you have friends in Asia (I’m happy to make friends with you guys), have them send you some SunPlay Suncreen. This clear mist spray-on sunscreen gives a whopping SPF80 protection from the sun, and it’s so unbelievably light and ungreasy. In Japan I trust, whole heartedly. Anybody who comes up with heated automated toilet seats has my heart.

If in the case your back doesn't clear up even if you've done everything, get thee to a dermatologist. A doctor might be able to solve your back woes.

As for the rest of you, tag me on Instagram and show me your backs!