There's nothing like experiencing your body aging to get you really thinking about your mortality; or the even more terrifying realization that at 28, you are not so young anymore. People born in 1992 can legally drink now. I don't even want to talk about it. You know what else I don't want to talk about? The two fine lines I discovered on my forehead this morning. But I will.
They are kind of ruining my life right now. Okay, they are not that bad and you can only see them if you stare directly at them, but damn, am I pissed. How am I supposed to pull off 24 now? If someone actually guesses my real age at a bar, I am going to jump off the Williamsburg Bridge.
Look, I know the PC thing to do is to go on and on about how aging is natural and there's all this pressure to fit a certain unattainable standard of beauty and we should all just stop caring and stop being so narcissistic because FEMINISM. Ha. Yeah. No. Looks matter, and as a Russian woman who uses hers to her advantage frequently, aging is going to be an issue.
Not going to lie: Russian women are unapologetically vain (it takes a lot of money to look this good). My mother had me on a strict skincare regimen since middle school. She'd buy me the lightest Lancome face cream she could find and put it on my face.
"Keep it away from under your eyes. That's what under eye cream is for."
And then she’d rub my face with the underside of cucumber skin to "freshen it up." Everything I learned about skin care, I learned from my mother.
So as I stood in front of the bathroom mirror and slowly rubbed Lancome Bienfait Multi-Vital SPF 30 Sunscreen Cream into the two canyons on my forehead, I wondered how long it would be before I’d need Botox—not that I’d ever consider that option until I was well into my thirties, which are so close.
And then I thought, What would my mom do?
So, to postpone injections and keep your face looking fresh to death, here are some skincare tips straight from my mother. You just have to read them in a thick, condescending Russian accent. (In parentheses are my own two cents.)
Один: Exfoliate. (I like LUSH Dark Angels because I breakout on my forehead like whoa, and this is the only stuff that can keep that warzone of a forehead in check.)
два: Eat avocados. (I’m not sure how they work, but eating about half an avocado a day will do awesome things to your skin.)
три: Drink more water. (This should be a duh. Special tip: have a glass of water between every drink you take down at the bar. It’ll keep you hydrated and you won’t wake up looking like crap the next morning.)
четыре: Don't put eye cream just under your eyes. (Blot some around the outside corners of your eyes, as well.)
Then my mom goes on some tangent about how alcohol is really bad for your skin and how I should stop drinking because it dries out your skin and it's fattening and blah blah blah and then I zone out.