I Bought A Face Roller! Now Can Someone Please Tell Me What a Face Roller Is?

If I can have a chiseled, sculpted face and perfect bone structure in under 10 minutes, I’d like to have it, please, thanks.
Avatar:
Maria Jose
Author:
Publish date:
Social count:
36
If I can have a chiseled, sculpted face and perfect bone structure in under 10 minutes, I’d like to have it, please, thanks.

I recently went on vacation with my mother to France. And Canada. And Mexico and Germany. We stopped in Japan. Passed through China. Had a bite in Norway. And tried some gelato in Italy. All in under two days!

JK, we went to Epcot.

Epcot is great for many reasons. My mom was particularly enthused because the restaurants in the Mexican pavilion offer authentic Mexican food (though she didn’t have to leave home for that).

I was particularly enthused because I was able to purchase this:

Image Title1

The Visag’ge Face Massage, which “massages aiming at beauty.” At least, according to its packaging. Frankly, I’m not sure what it really does.

You may remember my thrilling anecdote about how I fell ill with bronchitis, laryngitis, sinusitis, and a fever…itis. Something I didn’t admit to in that post, however, was that I believe I gave myself the sinusitis.

See, when I was beginning to feel under the weather, I stumbled upon a YouTube video of a lady instructing how to give your face a lymphatic massage, which, in addition to relieving sinus pain, promised to improve the appearance of skin by stimulating blood flow and draining impurities, which would reduce swelling and inflammation. The lady guaranteed I would look instantly thinner and younger!

So I sat in front of my computer, pressing my face in circular motions, mimicking the lady in the video. Then my roommate walked in and she was like, “What are you doing?” And I was like, “…nothing.” And then I shut my laptop and stared at her. And she stared back. And we stared at each other, motionless, for several minutes without blinking. Then she slowly walked out of the room.

Anyway, the day after my self-given lymphatic face massage, I woke up with a bona fide sinus infection--the first I’d ever had. Curious, right?

I quickly Googled “lymphatic face massage” and “sinus infection” and learned that if you give yourself a lymphatic face massage when your sickness is bacterial or viral, you risk spreading the infection, which can (and did) result in sinusitis.

The point is, I never tried the lymphatic massage again, but remained intrigued by its promises. If I can have a chiseled, sculpted face and perfect bone structure in under 10 minutes, I’d like to have it, please, thanks.

So as I was perusing the shelves in a store in Japan (Epcot), and I came across the Visag’ge, I thought, “Heck, I’m going to buy this even though the labels on the packaging are in Japanese and I’m not totally sure what it is for but I think it may be for a lymphatic massage so I’m going to take my chances and purchase this sucker.”

Does anyone read Japanese?

Does anyone read Japanese?

So I did.

And now I’m sitting here, typing this with one hand and rolling this massager around my face with the other, hoping my sinuses are still clear in the morning.

Have you ever heard of this contraption? Have you ever gotten/given yourself a lymphatic face massage? Did you see results? What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever purchased at Epcot?