These Cheap, Sketchy Razors Are My New Favorite Toys

They make mustache removal feel like playing Life-Size Barbie.
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Annie
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They make mustache removal feel like playing Life-Size Barbie.

I don't wax my face because I get ingrowns, I'm not going to try threading because my skin is so sensitive and unpredictable that I don't want something new to make it freak, and last time I used a chemical hair remover I ended up with burns all over my upper lip.

So, whatever, I'll shave. Didn't some model say once that she shaves her face because it exfoliates? I'm sure that happened at one point, let's just accept this as fact.

I'm not going to shave my entire face because I don't think it's necessary and I have zits--which will now be referred to as "textured" skin, and the resulting scars will be "embossed" skin. Like handbags! You'd rather have the lambskin bag, but it's unattainable you'll settle for the textured version. That's how I feel about my face right now.

But I can't shave my face with any standard razor. Mostly because I just use whatever is sent to me for free, and right now they're surrounded by a thick border of moisturizing gel soap, and this won't do for the skill and finesse required to remove the tiny patches of hair on my upper lip.

Thank god for these sketchy-ass Russian face razors. I mean, I'm guessing they're Russian, maybe the "v" at the end was just a typo.

I'm not saying they're sketchy because I got them at the $.99 store, I'm saying they're sketchy because the lady at the $.99 store tried to grab me the other, name brand package of face razors from the behind-the-counter display, but I insisted that I wanted the pastel $.45 razovs hanging beneath. She gave me a look of disapproval, like, "Dumb chick is going to give herself tetanus with these 1978 rusty Barbie blades just because they come in cotton candy colors."

Yep. Photography shot with the Canon SL1.

Yep. Photography shot with the Canon SL1.

So far so good on the raz-ing ability. They took a bit of getting used to, but once you accept that we all have to die some way, sliding them firmly against your skin is nbd. The bonuses are that they leave no red or irritated skin behind and I haven't had a problem with ingrowns.

What's the sketchiest beauty implement you own? I guess second for me would be that vintage hair dyer-- I researched to see if it was an asbestos-containing model, but it wasn't listed as one of Schick's "Sorry 'bout the asbestos!" products. Should I just take my chances with the whole motor-overheating problem?