Cowshed: The Best Beauty Products In Miami Are From England

Just when I thought I couldn't love Miami more, Soho Beach House opens and fills their bathrooms with some of my favorite bath, body and hair goodies.
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Just when I thought I couldn't love Miami more, Soho Beach House opens and fills their bathrooms with some of my favorite bath, body and hair goodies.

Oh, Miami Beach, how I love you! The warm, aqua water, the Cuban food, the air as thick and hot as porridge. You do wonders for erasing lines from my face and fluffing my hair up with your obnoxious humidity and heat. I have spent many lazy days and crazy nights respectively marinated in piña coladas and champagne, having the best time EVER.

I highly recommend, you know, leisure.

I highly recommend, you know, leisure.

Another thing to love has sprung up in this paradise. Its name is the Soho Beach House, and it’s a very happy place, right on the beach. It's boutiquey and sumptuous and filled to the brim with Cowshed products!

Cowshed is the brand all Soho House locations use. I was first introduced to these delicious products when the New York location opened (I think) in 2003, when, as a parting gift, they gave out goody bags FILLED with products I’d never seen before. The bag was encapsulated in a cow print. Cowshed. Get it?

Trying to give the brand a hug.

Trying to give the brand a hug.

Anyway, the gift bag goodies were delicious. This was one of those instances when you don’t want the goodies in the bag to ever run out. And throughout the last 10 years, they never have, because of my frequent excursions to various Soho Houses. I just go in, wash my hands with their delicious soap, and moisturize with their delicious hand cream. Dab some behind my ears, and feel heads turning as I walk by all night.

When you stay at one of the Soho Houses that has a hotel, you are spoiled for choice in terms of bath products. There are no tiny bottles, whose empty shells go to landfills forever. Here, they give you large bottles, which they keep filled to the brim, and multiple (hilariously named) products abound!

I think it’s genius. You NEVER have to call for more conditioner. Also, I’m sure these sizes discourage theft. If you want these products at home, you must buy them. Pretty smart on their part!

If you're not familiar with what the British slang term “cow” means, let me enlighten you.

Cow: noun. 1. A comtemptible woman, a "bitch." Derogatory, but often used less aggressively, as an affectionate aside, as in "silly cow." 2. A difficult or objectionable task or thing, e.g. “It was a cow of a job, and took twice as long as I expected.”

This silly cow gets the joke.

When Jared and I entered our ocean-view room, there it was: a giant soaking tub, flanked with a plethora of products with names like Cowlick (shampoo), Grumpy Cow (bath gel), and Horny Cow (bath and body oil). Hilarious, right? And a treasure trove of very sexy, delicious and luxurious products to enjoy.

Just in case you ever wondered, this is what heaven looks like.

Just in case you ever wondered, this is what heaven looks like.

After a long airplane ride, I decided to have a bubble bath with Grumpy Cow Uplifting Bath & Shower Gel and wash the disgusting aroma of stale airplane air, sweat and other people’s lingering fart residuals off me. Ugh.

"Douche." Heh heh.

"Douche." Heh heh.

Grumpy Cow has a citrus scent, with essential oils of red mandarin, petitgrain and grapefruit. In my experience, men always love citrus scents, too (the Bullocks Bracing Body Wash for men also has petitgrain and grapefruit). So YES, there was some mind-game-warfare going on; I was also attempting to relax my boyfriend with the aromatherapy. So sneaky!

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The Cowlick Gentle Shampoo is very gentle (with ylang-ylang and lemon), and seems to be good for all hair types, as well as the Saucy Cow Softening Conditioner (with lavender and lemon), which left my hair very soft. Not only was my hair light, fluffy and full of body (thank you humidity), but I also smelled as if I’d been rolling around in a fairyland field of flowers and magic.

Was I naked in this photo? Maaaaybe...

Was I naked in this photo? Maaaaybe...

After washing the airplane ewwww off of me, I moisturized with the Wild Cow Invigorating Body Lotion, which has essential oils of lemongrass, ginger and rosemary. This stuff smells like you’re in a remote bungalow in a land far, far away, in Asia.

Needless to say, I tried out all the products throughout our trip. On one especially lazy afternoon, after a day of lulling in the soft sand and warm surf, swilling piña coladas, we went upstairs to relax and get a nap in before dinner. While my boyfriend was showering in the other room, I filled a bath and added the Horny Cow Seductive Bath & Body Oil, which has rose absolute and essential oils of patchouli and cinnamon. Also, I turned on a standing fan in the corner and pointed it toward the door he was going to enter the room from.

DEFINITELY naked in this picture.

DEFINITELY naked in this picture.

When he came in, he stopped short and exclaimed, “Wow, it smells AMAZING in here! What IS that?” To which, from the bath, I innocently replied, “Oh, you know, just some Horny Cow.”

Have you ever tried any Cowshed products? What's your favorite?