Weird Asian Beauty Products That Go Too Far

Our interest in Asian beauty products and trends is boundless, but these are just... nope.
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Mari
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Our interest in Asian beauty products and trends is boundless, but these are just... nope.

Working in the beauty world has always been an interesting task for me, particularly because of my 11-year-old sister

How do I set an example of high self-worth when I'm being sent knee and elbow whitening cream? It's difficult, but it makes me extra conscious; I want my sister to know what's important in life, and having white elbows isn't it. 

Here's another scenario, non-beauty-related: when my little sis says a boy in school has a crush on her, I like to tell her it's because she so smart and funny. Don’t get me wrong, feeling beautiful can do wonders for one’s self esteem, but sometimes I see products that make me question whether we've all gone a bit mad. Many of these said maddening products come from and/or are target to the Asian market. (Although the West has its share of beauty absurdities, too.) Behold, here are five Asian beauty products that make me wince. 

Lactacyd White Intimate

"Fairer within four weeks!" STAHP. 

"Fairer within four weeks!" STAHP. 

The marketing: “Sweat and excessive friction from tight clothing can darken the skin around the intimate area, causing self-consciousness, decreased confidence or intimacy inhibition.” Ugh. 

I was first made aware of this product by the lovely Georgina Wilson, but when I clicked to watch the commercial it definitely gave me pause. 

Various Nose Shape Changing Devices

Your next Halloween costume? 

Your next Halloween costume? 

I'm not against nose jobs, so a product like this is not as problematic for me as the rest. But just how effective can a strange plastic object that looks akin to a mini Medieval torture device really be?

noselifter.jpg

It reminds me of the Nose Lifter, which is just as weird, but less daunting and seemingly more efficacious. 

Breast Gymnastics Hand Massager

Nothing weird about this. Nope.

Nothing weird about this. Nope.

Saggy bust? No worries, this weird hand-like contraption will push 'em back into place. "Breast gymnastics" is totally normal (JK IT IS NOT!). See it in action here

Facial Slimmer

I've always wanted one of these.

I've always wanted one of these.

Face yoga is a mere gateway tactic for this next-level oddity. The claim: Pop this baby into your mouth and speak vowels for three minutes a day and watch your smile lines and crow's feet disappear. I suppose this isn't that different from using an anti-aging cream--it's just 500 percent more ridiculous looking.  

Pinky Queen Top Pack (for pinker nipples)

Dark nipple sufferers, rejoice! All your problems have been answered with this innovative nipple cream that appears to peel off to reveal pinker, "prettier" nipples. This NSFW photo says it all. Can I get an eye-roll emoji please?

  • What's the strangest beauty product you've ever seen? 
  • Do any of these products appeal to you? Go on, convince me.