Don't worry — I'm not going to write about the Victoria's Secret "fashion" show, which hasn't even happened yet (it ain't news 'til it happens — haha!) because I'm pretty sure no one cares about it because it's not like those lingerie sets are even for sale. What's the point?! Why is there so much content surrounding it already? Anyway...
Speaking of beautiful women parading their beauty around in a public forum...
The Miss Minnesota USA pageant saw its first hijab and burkini
I low-key do not care about Miss-anything unless maybe Miss World, but it softens my cynical cholesterol-encrusted heart a smidge when stuff like this happens because, despite all the terrifying Islamophobic things I keep reading and seeing, to see women being celebrated for their beauty inclusive of their culture rather than diffusing it through an anglo-centric "exotic" beauty lens is honestly the sort of stuff I needed to see when I was a young lass who for whatever reason enjoyed watching the Miss Whatever contest on TV.
Halima Aden, is Somali-American and only 19 (I say this as a 30-year-old who's like, "Wow what's it like to be young, beautiful and powerful?"). She didn't win the crown, but whatever — I don't even know or care who did, because as she said herself: “A lot of girls were very supportive of what I’m doing, and that just makes it all worth it. And my advice to them is just be confident in your own skin, know that an extra layer of clothing does not define your beauty, because beauty is within."
Homeopathic products are officially decreed as bunk according to the FTC
And it now requires homeopathic remedies sold in the US to basically plainly state "this is mostly just for playing doctor circa Oregon Trail-era!"
I mean, not verbatim, but basically they're requiring a warning to be placed on labels that point out that there's no evidence to suggest that said homeopathic remedies work and that the whole thing is based on antiquated theories from the 18th century.
Way harsh, Tai.
There's even an FTC enforcement policy for products that don't follow suit and continue to use misleading marketing terms or make claims of efficacy without mentioning the whole outdated old-timey nature of homeopathy. To each their own under-regulated language, I guess!
A Moroccan TV program showed women how to cover up marks of abuse and women understandably are like "WTF?"
“Do not cover domestic violence with makeup, condemn the aggressor!”
That's the key slogan on a Change.org petition calling for “severe sanctions” against the Moroccan TV program, Sabahiyaf, which aired a segment meant to show makeup tips to conceal bruises from domestic abuse and help women "get on with their daily lives." The demonstration used a model with fake bruises also done with makeup. Not only is it weirdly meta in practice but also disturbingly glib. Get on with their daily lives? Really?
Yes, obviously. It's 2016. I know there's a lot of fucked up stuff going on in the world, but at this point, when domestic abuse is largely no longer tolerated, a television segment showing women how to cover bruises from abuse with makeup is beyond tone-deaf and normalizes domestic abuse, putting the onus back on the victims.
“As Moroccan women and as feminist activists in Morocco, and in the name of all Moroccan people, we denounce the message of normalization with violence against women," reads the petition, with over 2,800 signatures and counting.
Why can't there be television segments on bringing domestic abuse offenders to justice and protecting victims, hmm?
Free lip plumper with every sushi order
Another weird way to plump lips goes viral-ish, with beauty Instagrammer Farah Dhukai's video using wasabi as a plumping treatment. Yep, just straight sushi horseradish.
As someone who routinely goes HAM with the mean green on my spicy salmon rolls (double spicy!), I have been brought to tears from wasabi nearly every time I eat sushi — but I never thought to plump my lips with it.
Ask any doctor and they'll def tell you that this is a thing that could backfire horribly with allergic reactions or extreme irritation due to its spicy, spicy nature (and because your lips have way less barrier protection that the rest of your skin), but... I'm probably gonna try it anyway.
The best decoy for sneaking out at night involves a hair sacrifice
If you still live with your parents and your parents still care about what time you come home at night, consider defying them wholeheartedly with a commitment to deception that involves chopping off a sizable lock of hair.
Just a small sacrifice to pay to fool your lazy mom and/or dad from thinking that you're sound asleep, possibly asphyxiated under your sheets with a little tuft of hair sticking out. (Seriously WHO sleeps with the covers all over their entire head? How do you breathe?)
Funny? Yes. Clever? Sort of. Y'all never heard of clip-in hair extensions?
If I sound salty it's because I can't remember the last time I could keep my eyes open long enough to stay out until 4 a.m.