This is a historic moment, folks. Today's beauty news roundup is the first ever written by a zombie, because that is what I am.
I am currently a shell of a human being running on minimal sleep and dander from what's been kicked up as I pack, clean and purge for my upcoming move across Brooklyn. Why does moving suck so hard?
You'd think a fancy, progressive company like Time Inc. would have nap pods or something. Then again, if I had access to a nap pod right now, it would turn into a coma pod, because I can barely type this sentence without my head goofily dropping like that of the guy next to me on the subway this morning who almost made himself comfortable on my shoulder.
He should wake the hell up and read this first news blurb, though, because I (and most of you) need sleep way more than he does, according to S-C-I-E-N-Zzzzzz...
Hit the snooze button twice, ladies — you've earned it
According to researchers at Loughborough University's Sleep Research Center, women need 20 more minutes of sleep than men do because our brains are just so damn complex.
"Women tend to multi-task — they do lots at once and are flexible — and so they use more of their actual brain than men do," Professor Jim Horne, director of the Sleep Research Center, told the press. "For women, poor sleep is strongly associated with high levels of psychological distress and greater feelings of hostility, depression, and anger. In contrast, these feelings were not associated with the same degree of sleep disruption in men."
So, basically, it's effing exhausting to be a woman because our brains are Gordian knots of neurons and glial cells and men's brains are basically Velcro.
And blonde women's brains no less impressive than anyone else's
We all know the "dumb blonde" stereotype is, in itself, super-dumb. I think the concept more or less died out around the time Married With Children was canceled.
But that doesn't mean the results of a 37-year study won't be satisfying to many a towhead out there. Starting in 1979, teens and young adults who participated in the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth were asked their natural hair color and also took the Armed Forces Qualification Test to determine their IQ scores.
"On average, natural blondes had a higher IQ than those with any other hair color (their average was 103.2). Brunettes clocked in just behind them with an average IQ of 102.7, redheads following with 101.2, and black-haired participants with 100.5," MIMI reports.
Not really any difference between the different hair colors, sure, but at least the results support what we already know: you can't tell how smart someone is by the color of their pubes.
CoverGirl is launching a limited-edition Empire collection
CoverGirl is shifting from The Empire Strikes Back to just plain Empire! OK, so it was Star Wars in general, not specifically The Empire Strikes Back, but WORK WITH ME FOR THE SAKE OF NARRATIVE LICENSE. What I'm trying to say is that CoverGirl has just announced that they're coming out with a line inspired by TV show everyone but me, apparently, watches, Empire.
The brand posted an Instagram preview of the collection's four key looks, modeled by stars of the show.
I think it's entirely reasonable to get excited about this regardless of if you watch Empire (which, according to everyone who's ever been shocked that I don't, you do), if CoverGirl's past themed collections are any indication. They haven't released much info about what will be hitting stores, but I think it's safe to say it will be... makeup.
Speaking of music and makeup...
Kelly Rowland, star of 2003's Freddy vs. Jason and member of some girl group that didn't launch a world-dominating music star or anything, has told Essence that she and her makeup artist are launching a new makeup line.
"My makeup artist Sheika Daley and I are actually starting a makeup line. We’re making sure we make, well, we’re starting off with lashes and then we’re going to have it grow for all women," Rowland said. "But [we're] definitely making sure we have our chocolate girls covered. Gotta get the chocolate girls in there! We have to have that, you know. I think Iman has done a beautiful makeup line, and I want to do it too!"
OK, now I can't stop thinking of that awful "Chocolate Rain" song but with "chocolate girls" as the lyrics instead. But hey, if this means more foundation and concealer colors for darker skin tones become available, then I will gladly tolerate this earworm.
- Are you excited about Kelly Rowland's makeup line, or have you reached peak celebrity makeup line saturation?
- How about the CoverGirl/Empire collab? Into that?
- What's your natural hair color/IQ?
- Can I please go to sleep now?