Clubbed Thumbs? You CAN Wear Nail Art Stickers!

I've yet to find a nail wrap set that includes a wide enough size for Megan Fox thumbs, but I found a way to make them work.
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Marci
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I've yet to find a nail wrap set that includes a wide enough size for Megan Fox thumbs, but I found a way to make them work.

I have clubbed thumbs. I've mentioned that once or twice (or thrice). I even make a reference to them on my OkCupid profile.

I'm something of an activist and advocate for those with clubbed thumbs. The internet realized that Megan Fox has them and people FREAKED OUT--actual internet quote: "Her toe thumb is gross. I wouldn't touch it if my life depended on it." So, after learning that I'm not alone (some people even have just one!), and also learning that there are a number of other non-clinical names for it (murderer's thumb, dutch thumb, potter's thumb, and, according to a girl on my middle school cheerleading squad, Irish thumb), I've been inspired to speak up for those of us who have what is actually, medically called Brachydactyly Type D.

We may have trouble playing certain musical instruments. We may never win a thumb wrestling match. But if you prick our thumbs, do they not bleed?!

Aside from being stubby, a clubbed thumb has a nail that's much wider than the average thumb's. This became especially apparent to me when I went to get my first set of acrylics for my senior prom and the manicurist had to take what she called her "drag queen tips" out of the drawer for my thumbs.

It was rubbed in again the first time I tried the nail wraps and strips that have gotten so popular in the last year or two. Even though the sets come with a variety of sticker sizes, my research has found that not a single brand's widest option fully covers my clubbed thumbs' nails.

Et tu, Sally?

Et tu, Sally?

I'M GOING TO SUE FOR DISCRIMINATION! MY SISTER IS A CIVIL RIGHTS ATTORNEY!

JK, I'm just going to improvise. (Not JKing about my sister, though. If you ever get fired for some BS reason, you should totally hire her.)

If you have clubbed thumbs like me, all you have to do is take one of the medium-width wraps you're not using on another finger and lay it sideways. Line up what is supposed to be the bottom of the sticker with one side of your nail, and what's supposed to be the side of the sticker with the bottom of your nail. It's all flippity-floppity!

I really need to start using hand lotion more regularly.

I really need to start using hand lotion more regularly.

Follow the instructions of your chosen set for getting them to adhere smoothly, making sure you're firmly wrapping the edge of the other side of your thumb nail. You may even want to use another nail to define the edge, to help you see where the nail ends and where your skin starts, for when you file.

File off any excess length (shouldn't be much, since you're laying it sideways), and then carefully file the extra width. This is a bit challenging, but it can be done! Again, you may want to poke with another nail to define where nail and skin meet, and even weaken the wrap at that spot to help cleanly file the excess away.

And there ya go!

Clubbed thumbs up!

Clubbed thumbs up!

Luckily, most patterns look totally passable sideways, but some patterns aren't as sideways-friendly. If the idea of a pattern going in a different direction on just two fingers makes your OCD tingle, many of the brands who make nail polish strips also make the same patterns for toes. I know, that's not going to help with the toe-thumb taunts, but at least you'll match.

Do you have clubbed thumbs? Let me know if you try this little trick!