If You Really Loved Us, You'd Buy These False Eyelashes

If you really, REALLY loved us, you'd figure out how to shape your natural lashes into X's and O's.
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Marci
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If you really, REALLY loved us, you'd figure out how to shape your natural lashes into X's and O's.

There are very few occasions on which I'll volunteer to wear false eyelashes. I can't think of any right now, but I'm sure they exist.

In addition to being stupendously bad at applying them, I find false lashes very uncomfortable. Even if an expert applies them for me, I can never seem to forget that they're there; I feel them with every blink, like I'm wearing Post-its on my eyelids. 

marci_xoeyelashes6.jpg

But I really wanted to impress xoVain's new Editor-In-Chief, Anne-Marie, on her first day, and what better way to express my devotion to the site than with the literal bat of an eye?

Just kidding--I ordered these before she even interviewed.

I applied them myself!

I applied them myself!

AND HOW COULD I NOT ORDER THEM? The synthetic lashes form an XO pattern!

They're made by Sugarpill, a cruelty-free cosmetics line based in California and run by an adorable, rainbow-haired woman named Amy who calls herself Shrinkle for reasons unbeknownst to me (and I'm not sure I want to know). For just $7, I decided it was worth getting them in spite of my aversion. (I got a set for the less false-eyelash-averse Emily, too.)

Did I mention I'm also rhinestone-averse?

"MAGIC HAPPENS OUTSIDE OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE" - Abraham Lincoln and Marilyn Monroe simultaneously, and then Monroe said, "Jinx! Buy me a Coke," and then Lincoln was like, "What? Where are you from? After you say 'jinx,' I'm supposed to stay silent until you say my name. Also, what's a Coke?"

"MAGIC HAPPENS OUTSIDE OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE" - Abraham Lincoln and Marilyn Monroe simultaneously, and then Monroe said, "Jinx! Buy me a Coke," and then Lincoln was like, "What? Where are you from? After you say 'jinx,' I'm supposed to stay silent until you say my name. Also, what's a Coke?"

I trimmed them to fit my relatively small eyes, and in order to make the X's and O's as noticeable as possible, I went mascara-free, so my natural lashes would obstruct the pattern as little as possible. 

I think they look pretty cute! Absurd, but cute.

And you don't have to be an xoVain or xoJane editor, contributor or superfan to justify buying them! Other possible rationalizations:

• Beyoncé's "XO" is your favorite song.

• You're one of the two people in the US named Xaviera Ochoa.

• You're really into cattle. (Just trim off the first X and it's like your eyelashes are chanting "ox ox ox ox.")

Luckily, if you're not into letters (ugh, words) or this website (thanks for stopping by?) but you are into highly impractical false eyelashes, Sugarpill has an amazing, creative selection to satisfy your first-date and churchgoing needs.