The Very First xoVain Makeunder: Snooki!!!

We chatted with the TV star about saggy boobs, unnecessary dental procedures, and the future of her son’s melanin. We also traumatized her.
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We chatted with the TV star about saggy boobs, unnecessary dental procedures, and the future of her son’s melanin. We also traumatized her.

There’s probably some old rule that says petite women shouldn’t make bold beauty choices--like waist-length hair extensions or extra-long, flashy nails or impenetrable false lashes--but Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi doesn’t know about it. Or she knows about it and says “eff it” and wears them all at once.

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That casual, self-assured indifference was apparent during the entire Makeunder process as she impassively did everything we asked, not even complaining when her sushi was really late. Working with a hairstylist and makeup artist other than her own? Sure. Getting changed in a bathroom full of antique dolls and medieval paraphernalia? OK. Sitting on a fireplace mantel in a vintage Filipino wedding dress that she thought was disgusting? All right.

Photo by Lee Clower

Photo by Lee Clower

It was actually Snooki’s rep who thought she might refuse to wear the dress we all loved, giving Annie an ulcer since she and Olivia spent an entire day scouring the basement of WGACA until they found it.

“Someone actually got married in this? Ugh.” she said, looking down at herself. We offered it to her for her own wedding. The reply wasn’t even an actual word, but we took it as a “no.”

The only thing Snooki seemed genuinely affected by during our Makeunder shoot was the taxidermy all over Acme Studio, or, as she called it, “a scary ass warehouse.”

“This place is so weird!” she told us four times. It was no weirder than anywhere else in Williamsburg, but then, Snooki probably hasn’t spent much time in the hipster capital of the east coast.

Actually, come to think of it, she was also a little put off by the milk we asked her to pour in some shots.

“It smells like it came straight from the cow’s udder,” she said, sniffing the retro bottle. As bad as it supposedly smelled, the idea stunk worse, so you won’t be seeing those pictures here.

As she got out of the makeup chair, I told her hair looked awesome. (It did.)

“I know,” she said. “It always looks good.”

It may seem like a conceited thing to say, but the delivery was anything but. It was more like someone who’s aware that her fame has given her special access to the beauty services that keep her looking the way a celebrity is expected to look. She wasn’t taking credit.

Now that Jersey Shore is over, it’s her MTV show with best friend Jenni Farley, Snooki & JWOWW, that’s keeping her in the spotlight. The second season has given viewers a close look at the last weeks of Snooki’s pregnancy, her relationship with fiancé Jionni, and the birth of their really-freakin’-cute son, Lorenzo.

Snooki already looks dramatically different than she did while filming this season, which airs its finale on March 5. But being, you know, us, we wanted to make her look dramatically-er different-er.

THE MAKEUNDER

Editors have been giving Snooki makeovers since she and her now-retired hair poof first fist-pumped their way into our unprepared brains, including some so-called makeunders. We, however, wanted to approach this Makeunder differently than other publications, and, in fact, differently than we have in the past for xoJane and JANE magazine.

We envisioned a softer Snooki--one who still loves makeup, but who uses a lighter hand when she applies it. Motherhood has brought out a gentler side of the reality star, and we wanted that interpreted in her makeup and hair.

WHAT WE DID

OK, Annie here. I imagined a really healthy, dewy complexion, like those happy, dancing models in the Italian tomato-print Dolce & Gabbana ads. You know, somebody who gets lots of organic extra virgin olive oil in her diet.

Jane and I talked about going a little more glam than they have with Makeunders in the past, although the way we threw this together for some reason felt kind of totally opposite to how I’d imagine Grace Coddington whips up an Italian cottage-inspired shoot.

For instance, Mandy set this whole thing up after a chance run-in with Snooki in the bathroom at the SiriusXM offices. And Jane and I went over final “vision” discussions not over a white marble table in a picture-window office on the 50-somethingth floor, but in a checkout lane at Whole Foods, where I ended the talk with a teenageresque, wide-eyed head tilt, asking, “Oh, and Jane? Can I, um... borrow your credit card? We need to pick up a few things before the shoot.”

It all somehow came together, and after stressing over Snooki’s wardrobe, I felt the most euphoric rush when I saw that she was totally cool with throwing on that vintage wedding dress. Plus, both our hair and makeup artists were from Jersey, so she seemed to feel at ease despite some newbie “beauty editor” nobody hovering over the three of them throughout the hair and makeup process being like, “That’s enough foundation. NO! No lashes.”

Makeup artist Matt Nigara applied some moisturizer as a primer and dabbed a teeny bit of Lift Lumiére Firming and Smoothing Fluid Makeup under her eyes and around her nose with a sponge to ever-so-slightly even her skin. Snooki has really great skin, and she’s young, with high cheekbones and built-in bronzer. We didn’t need to do much concealing other than this, and no trickery like contouring.

Since we were going for dewy, we stayed away from a powder blush and opted for NARS Cream Blush in Enchanted. He softly lined her lower lashes with the darker of the two eye shadows in the Bellissima Duo Eyeshadow compact, also by NARS, which he used with a slightly fluffier brush in her eyelid creases. A stiffer angled brush was used to darken her brows with, yep, the same shadow.

He wiped most of the product from the wand of Chanel Inimitable Mascara before gently wiggling it from root to tip, so that her lashes would look dark, but not caked with product.

Matt finished with YSL Rouge Volupté on her lips, and I made him dab some Josie Maran Argan High Gloss Lip Quench on her eyelids solely because I thought it would look really cool in the photos. And it did.

So, six products for her face, one for her hair: Oribe Dry Texturizing Spray. I tried to refrain from using the words “messy” and “frizzy” in front of Snooki as I was conveying my vision to Danielle Priano, our hairstylist for the day. But that’s, like, exactly what I wanted. Since 2010 we’ve seen her with a nonstop perfect blowout. In fact, her hair came in that way.

Danielle mussed it up a bit by curling a few sections from root to mid-shaft with a one-inch iron, and tousled it around. She took a few of the wispier pieces around her face and roughed them up by pinching them between her fingers and rubbing to create that perfect undone frizz.

OK, emailing this Word doc back over for Marci to finish now.

Photo by Lee Clower

Photo by Lee Clower

THE INTERVIEW

MARCI: So, how has your beauty routine has changed since you’ve become a mom?

SNOOKI: It hasn’t really. I mean, I got softer with the eyeshadow, but I just do bigger lashes.

Do you have less time to pamper yourself?

No, because Jionni has a stay-at-home job. When I want to get ready or do my hair or take a nice long shower, I can because Jionni watches the baby or I have his mother upstairs. So I can make myself look good and still be a good mom.

What’s the biggest way pregnancy changed your body?

Probably the mommy pouch. It takes a while to get rid of the stretch marks, too. Stretch marks suck.

Did you do anything to try to prevent them?

Yeah, but they came the ninth month. I was like, really?! I thought I was free from them, but I wasn’t.

Do you think you’d ever consider a tummy tuck for the “mommy pouch”?

No, I’m not one to get surgery. I’ve never been under before and it just scares the shit out of me. I’m just going to do my boobs. I’ve always wanted a boob job because I have big boobs, but when I take the bra off, they sag. I hate that.

When do you think you’ll get them done?

Everyone’s telling me to get them done after I have my kids. So I’m going to pop ‘em out and then get a boob job. I love Jenni’s boobs, and I want boobs like that. And I think Jionni does too.

Jionni wants boobs like Jenni’s?

He loves boobs like Jenni’s.

Was it Jenni who convinced you to get implants?

No, I’ve wanted to get fake boobs since I was, like, 10.

Speaking of cosmetic procedures, you got Lumineers while you were pregnant.

It just gives you a whiter smile. I don’t even know why I got them. I didn’t even really need them cause I had good teeth, so it was a stupid move.

So, when he’s a teenager, if Lorenzo comes to you and says, “Mom, I want to go tanning,” will you let him?

Yeah, why not?

It’ll be OK with you?

I mean, if you go every day, obviously that’s not okay. But if you go once in a while, I don’t see the harm in that.

What are some of your favorite beauty products?

MAC lipsticks, foundations and bronzers; NARS eyeliners; Shany eyeshadows; Aussie shampoo and conditioner; Unite 7Seconds Leave In Detangler, and my Snookilicious lipstick from KA`OIR.

What’s the one beauty product you would cry over if it were ever discontinued?

If there were no more fake eyelashes, I would probably cry. Specifically Ardell.

If you weren’t famous, do you think you’d do your makeup and lashes the same way?

It probably wouldn’t be as fresh-looking, and I wouldn’t really know how to do it. Makeup artists have taught me how to wear makeup. But I’d still look the same. Probably. Maybe.

What other celebrities’ hair and makeup do you admire?

I don’t really admire anyone.

OK then.

So, did she like her new look? Honestly, we have no idea. She’s just that nonchalant. She also really wanted to get back to little Lorenzo, who is seriously adorable and we hope Snooki won’t actually let him go tanning.

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Want more? Of course you do! Our big sister xoJane has even more Snooki gossip.