Not that Resting Bitch Face is a new thing or whatever, but I'm pretty much just about over it. Why? I'm noticing signs of premature aging. No, not because I'm frolicking about sans SPF or binge-smoking and chain-drinking every night; it's because my damn facial muscles are in constant workout mode because I'm always fighting my gourd-given Resting Bitch Face.
Some people talk to themselves in public, I ever-so-slightly contort my face into what I think appears to be a "non-bitchy" visage. Not a necessarily friendly one — just not one where I look pissed and like a "mean girl."
Every candid photo of me in a neutral state has me wearing a sort of vexed expression — especially if I'm concentrating on literally anything to any degree. I generally delete those pretty quickly because I freak myself out with how bitchy I unintentionally appear.
It was brought to my attention by someone that one day, after blow-drying my hair straight, I apparently looked even bitchier with straight hair. Which naturally prompted a "Bitchier than what?" response from me, to which I was reminded of my RBF as if I thought I was free of those shackles in my adulthood. No, RBF is as timeless as diamonds.
I know I can have an overactive imagination that plays out weird scenarios based on what's happening around me, and sometimes I get really mentally invested in them until I have to remind myself that no, that sketchy-looking dude did not actually just slap a baby — he just looked like he wanted to. So that could be the nexus of my deep consternation.
I've been told I have RSF (Resting Sad Face) as well by more than a handful of people, so I've got to wonder, what is it about my face that's reading so goddamn bummer-y all the time?
This wondering yielded nothing, so at that point I (figuratively) threw my highball glass off my Venetian balcony, swished my silk robe about myself, and thought, Fine! I shall give them the finest most bitchiest face in repose they ever gazed upon!
Personally I love a sharp eye and a vampy lip for bad-bitch vibes. But that's just me. There's literally tons of ways for you to play up your bitchiest features with makeup!
Pink lipgloss, green lipstick, Chapstick — all potential sneer veneer! Zits and Band-Aids — total tough bitch vibes. Blue eyeshadow blended all the way up to your eyebrows, bleached eyebrows, the roundest, highest top-knot—now you're really reaching for the height of bitch!
But to get tl;dr with you, a woman's face is her face to do with what she pleases. And whoever feels the need to critique your just-going-about-my-business-la-di-da face can go suck an egg. Don't let someone harsh on your probably pretty OK day by telling you, "Hey, noticed you looked kind of mad or something. Care to explain yourself for no reason?"
I mean, obviously, playing up your bad-bitch look is a pretty great way to get people to leave you alone in public, but not a great way to prevent dudes from telling you to smile. In all honesty, I only smile at girls anyway.
Any other chronic Resting Bitch Face possessors out there? I guess, some girls just got it...