Let's Get Weird: Mismatched Eyeshadow Because Making Decisions Is Hard

Today, we start on a journey of impractical makeup looks. Join me, won't you?
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Today, we start on a journey of impractical makeup looks. Join me, won't you?

I haven’t created any actual content in a while. I’ve been languishing and luxuriating in frothy, lavender-scented tubs of self-pity for the better part of two months. But those days are dunzo as I open my arms and another bottle of wine to welcome the new year and my new COLUMN!

Come right in and join me here in my own little corner of xoVain. This is my castle on a cloud, and it’s about to get weird.

As some of you know, I have rage-y reactions to corrective/prescriptive beauty narratives. This might be because I’m actually flawless, but it’s probably got more to do with the fact that I already spent 20 or so years of my life thus far lodged tits-deep in a ball pit of self-loathing and I don’t need to spend any more time focusing on what other people might find wrong with me or how I can fix it.

Don't worry. I’m gonna ease y’all into this whole shebang with a post that isn’t too loca for your soberific sensibilities.

I always liked the look of those disposable 3D glasses, with one red eye and one blue eye. I wanted to create something similar, in that each eye would be primarily one color. I opted out of red/blue though, because red is such a distinct eye look I was concerned it would look like an infection if it didn’t have a corresponding twin.

So I went with teal and purple as my colors du jour. I wanted two colors that were similar in finish, opacity, and value so that one eye wouldn’t overwhelm the other. I decided to go with Maybelline Color Tattoo Pure Pigments. I’ve previously declared my love for these pigments, so I knew I liked them. Also, I’m too broke right now to buy new eyeshadow!

So I grabbed “Never Fade Jade” and “Potent Purple” and a few brushes and got to work, starting with the blue/green shade on my right eye.

I wet my shadow brush, tipped some of the loose powder into the lid and then dipped my brush in. I worked the shadow slowly onto my entire mobile lid, moving carefully so as to avoid scattering pretty, shimmery green dust all over my cheeks. Let’s save that look for another edition of this column.


Then, I dried my brush and slowly applied more shadow above the lid and blended it all out past my eyes as well as all the way up to my brows. Remember, this look isn’t practical. C’mon.

Bonus points for period zits!

Bonus points for period zits!

Then I took a different brush, and repeated the same process with the purple shadow on my other eye.



OK, cool. 

Then I grabbed an angled brush and E.L.F. Studio Cream Liner in black. I’m not here to say this is the best cream liner ever, but I am here to say I’ve left it open all night multiple times and it still hasn’t dried out. Plus, it’s like $3. 

I dipped the brush into the liner gently, and then dabbed most of it off on a tissue. I then drew a faint line across my upper lash line, and swiped it out to form a cat eye following the natural shape of my eye. I let the line slowly fade off rather than ending on a defined point. I smudged a bit of the liner into my lower lash line as well.

I’ve been wearing my hair like this since I saw American Hustle and I’m not sorry.

I’ve been wearing my hair like this since I saw American Hustle and I’m not sorry.

Then, brush on some mascara. I’m using Benefit They’re Real on just my top, outer lashes.

Oh, and I’m wearing one of those tinted lip balms Sable made because she gave me one while I was in NYC. Thanks, Sable! It’s showing up really pink on me because I was drinking some hot pink acai berry tea before shooting.

This look rules because if you’re eyeing some cutie out of the side of your eye, they assume you’re just rocking a standard eye makeup look. Then you turn to face him/her/them and they realize you’re no basic chicken! You’re different! (Pull up to the scene with your ceiling missing.)


Because of the colors I chose, this look got me excited for Mardi Gras. There’s so many ways you could take this idea and make it as subtle or wild as you want. I thought about smoking out each eye, but I ended up going for a starker, more graphic look that’s really all about these two colors and the contrast between them. I like that it’s obvious they’re different, but they coordinate well, rather than clash.


This is definitely a LOOK, though, so don’t be a baby. Fortune favors the brave. What’s the point of anything that isn’t a conversation starter? (I don’t actually know how to start conversations. I just sit in a corner and wait for someone to ask me about my lipstick or fur.)

This is ideal for situations in which you can’t decide which eyeshadow to wear, which team to root for via your makeup, or if you have two different color eyes and each eye has a color they look best in. 


Let your makeup reflect the intricate duality of man, or your inability to commit to just one goddamn thing.

What do you think? Would you wear this look?

If you have any weird ideas for this column, holler at me in the comments, on Twitter, or on Instagram.