I'm not the most approachable person. It's not that I'm not friendly--I totally am (hey, hi). I just have a serious case of bitchy resting face that tends to frighten people away, a seemingly icy demeanour that immediately melts as soon as I'm introduced to someone. I was a painfully shy child and I guess I perfected the art of the "stay away stare" at a young age as a means of protecting myself.
Years passed and my perma-downturned mouth (it's jowls, not a scowl!) and low, flat-speaking voice have scared away countless people. Friends have told me "I thought you hated me at first!" when we've grown close enough (I don't think I hate anybody in the world, actually). But unless I force my mouth into a contented smile 24/7, I know this will continue well into old age, when my frown lines grow even more prominent.
One time when I am grateful for my bitchface, though, is when dealing with creepy dudes. Countless times, I've thrown a steely glance in the direction of someone leering too close, and immediately, they back off. Looking like a total mean girl creates a force field around me, shielding me from a-holes.
If it earns me a reputation of being an "ice queen," then so be it. I'm down if it means I get to be on the same level of frosty villainesses like Tilda Swinton's White Witch.
There are even times when I want to play up this so-called frigidness, and so I've created a makeup look made extra-special for my fellow ice queens.
You're welcome to copy it, but there's only one stipulation: you can't smile, like ever. Especially not when some douchebag tells you to, "sweetheart." You can smirk though. That's OK.
I started by using a brush to apply Make Up For Ever Aqua Cream Eyeshadow in 3 Silver all over my eyelids, blending up into the crease, and along the outer lower lash line.
Then I took Obsessive Compulsive Cosmetics Creme Colour Concentrate in Vice (matte white) and used a smaller brush to apply that to my brow bones and the inner corners of my eyes. I used my finger to gently blend it out and the result was an overall brightening of my eye area.
Next, I wanted to have a little hit of colour that would put attention on my eyes so that people will really be able to tell when I'm side-eyeing them. I used Lush Emotional Brilliance Liquid Eyeliner in Calm, a pale turquoise blue, to create a tiny wing at the outer edges of my eyes.
I really love this liner because of how opaque and matte the shade is, and its staying power is incredible. Be careful of getting it on your hands, though--it does stain!
Finally, for the eyes, I applied a thick coat of mascara and then, before it dried, brushed Obsessive Compulsive Cosmetics Loose Colour Concentrate in Oberon, a shimmery white with hints of blue and pink, onto my upper and lower lashes. The effect is really subtle, but it shimmers and catches the light whenever you move your eyes.
I also used a small blush brush to brush Oberon onto the tops of my cheekbones to highlight, and swept a bit of NARS Guy Bourdin Holiday Collection Limited Edition Blush in Coeur Battant on the apples of my cheeks.
For my lips, I used an angled brush to dab the Make Up For Ever cream shadow into my cupid's bow.
If you want, you can stop here as this on its own looked really pretty. However, I figured nothing said "danger bitch" more than a bloody blue-red lip gloss, so I applied Armour Beauty Lip Gloss in Barracuda (apt name) with a fine lip brush. This stuff is super shiny, pigmented beautifully, and moisturizes your lips nicely with loads of essential oils.
Eventually, you'll tire of being an ice goddess and need to head back to the warmth of your home. When you get there, I suggest running a hot bath and throwing in Lush's Star Light, Star Bright Bath Melt.
It's a gleamy, glowy hunk of ginger, lime and lavender scented sparkle that starts out silver and turns turquoise as it dissolves in your bath and softens your skin with shea butter and coconut oil. Plus, it reminds me of David Bowie, and he wrote "Queen Bitch", so…