How To Fake Looking Sick And Get Out Of Stuff You Don't Want To Do

In 6 easy steps, using makeup products you probably have. Consider it a diet version of special effects.
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Annie
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In 6 easy steps, using makeup products you probably have. Consider it a diet version of special effects.

I'm don't want this article to make me seem like a total flake. I reserve the sick makeup for when I'm in a real bind, and have only used it in dire circumstances, like every other day of high school. I'm sharing this tutorial with you in the hopes that you save it for these times. With great power comes great responsiblah blah blah.

Right, sick makeup. For when you have to see somebody IRL and convince them that you can't do whatever they want you to do at the time. This needs to be subtle to be realistic, and is actually pretty easy to do if you have the right stuff, which you probably do.

STEP 1: Pale Foundation

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Only slightly more pale than your actual skin tone. For instance, I'm using my "winter" foundation. You want to look a little washed out, but again, subtle.

STEP 2: Exfoliate Your Lips

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You know when your nose is congested and you can only breathe out of your mouth? And your bottom lip hangs open like a fish? Work on holding your lips that way. Scrubbing them with a lip exfoliant like the sugary Lush pots, will make them appear raw and swollen (but still feel really nice). You can also scrub your mouth with a warm, damp washcloth for similar results without the moisturization.

Many fake-sickers make the mistake of using foundation on their lips to look super washed out, but if you want to look contagious it's really important to make the skin around your mouth, nose and eyes appear irritated.

STEP 3: Redden Your Nose

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Any red lipstick will do, as long as it's not shimmery or metallic in any way. Just dab a bit onto your finger and then dab onto the tip of your nose and around your nostrils. Exaggerate the irritated lip area by dabbing some red or mauve lipstick around your top lip as well.

STEP 4: Darken Your Under Eyes

Kevyn Aucoin's Eye Shadow Single in "Faded Heather."

Kevyn Aucoin's Eye Shadow Single in "Faded Heather."

Again, don't use any product with shimmer for this. Take a flat mauve powder shadow and fluff it under your eyes where your dark circles would occur if you were actually tired or sick.

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STEP 5: Redden The Corners Of The Eyes

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Use the same lipstick that you dabbed at your nose and top lip on the outer corners of your eyes. This will make them look like you've been rubbing them and spreading eye germs all over your room.

STEP 6: Fake A Clammy Glow

Rub some moisturizer over the palms of your hands and press onto your face. Then spritz yourself with some facial mist to look kind of sweaty and moist. Like it's way too hot to be wearing your sick sweatshirt but you have the chills so you're wearing it anyway while you sweat off your fever.

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Bonus points for greasing up the roots of your hair, that would really drive the look home. Also, remember to keep breathing out of your mouth. Oh! And act dizzy upon standing or sitting up. And surround yourself with crumpled tissues, bottles of OTC drugs, and half-finished cups of herbal tea.

Am I forgetting anything?