It’s Not Waterproof Until I Can Bikram In It

I’ve put many a beauty product to the test in a 105-degree room.
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I’ve put many a beauty product to the test in a 105-degree room.

I’m vain. That’s not news to anybody who knows me. I’m so vain, in fact, that I like to be able to see my full, Brigitte Bardot-y lashes when I’m looking at myself between my legs in the mirror in a downward dog position.

Strange? Maybe. But it also helps me figure out which products won’t streak down my face even if I'm sweating like a whore in church.

Some people may argue that it’s bad to have makeup on your skin during yoga, bikram or otherwise, but let me tell you this: I have lived most of my life in Singapore, 85 miles north of the equator, about 92 degrees all year around, 209% humidity 100% of the time. So it’s practically the same thing as being in a hot yoga room all the damn time.

I'm flexing on behalf of my makeup.

I'm flexing on behalf of my makeup.

So, what products have stayed on my face against all odds and at all temperatures?

Maybelline Volum' Express The Falsies Waterproof Mascara is one mother of a stubborn mascara. I even have to struggle a little bit removing the four layers of black goop I’ve coated my lashes in after a 90-minute pretzel-ing session.

Face Atelier Facade gives you post-coital flush without having to do all the work (I'm lazy). And because I’m brown, I don’t really get pink. Facade comes in several colors, works both as a cheek and lip stain, and gives me the Women’s Health magazine cover exercise-bunny allure that I’ve always wanted.

K-Palette 1 Day Tattoo Real Lasting Eyebrow Pencil Waterproof is a Korean product that has a really long name and inscriptions on the package that I don’t understand. But even while sweat dripped from every pore of my body onto my LuluLemon yoga mat, this eyebrow pencil clung to me for dear life. I love it on day-to-day basis, too, especially because of its fine felt tip that lets me control how light or how Frida Kahlo I want my brows to look.

I know it doesn’t really make sense to have anything on your lips when you’re saluting the sun, but makeup doesn’t have to make sense, so I wear MAC Clear Lipglass. I like to be pretty while I stare at myself blankly in the mirror t10 minutes before the class starts and pretend I’m meditating with my eyes open. I love how shiny my lips look, and when I’m in non-hot yoga classes and not chugging water, the gloss will actually stay put.

And in the event you try any makeup that says it’s waterproof and turns out not to be, this will happen to your towel:

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.