Hungover At The Office? Keep These Products In Your Desk To Fake That 'Alive' Look

I've finally learned to keep a "first aid kit" at work to fix whatever last night’s debauchery has wrought.
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I've finally learned to keep a "first aid kit" at work to fix whatever last night’s debauchery has wrought.

I work in an office. It’s in a creative field, but the beige walls and slate carpet are dead giveaways that this is a corporate environment nonetheless.

Normally, I’m pretty good about showing up wearing a bra and having washed, brushed hair. If it’s a really good day, I even have lipstick and mascara on. But not all days are so holy; some days, my devil-may-care attitude throws all caution to the wind, and I’m just lucky to be there (almost) on-time, with pants on. Bonus points if there’s no mustard on said pants.

Desks are great for hiding mustard pants.

Desks are great for hiding mustard pants.

Anyway, as I am not trying to alienate my coworkers, I have finally learned to keep an emergency kit at work to fix whatever last night’s debauchery has wrought--right at my desk. Or if I’m feeling zippy, I’ll do it in the bathroom. (But I have a secluded cubicle, so why walk when I can sit?)

So here’s what’s in my drawers (not those drawers) and on my desk, just in case I said yes to that fourth or fifth drink on a Tuesday.

SKIN

At 30, it’s all about moisture for me. My skin does not bounce back from late nights, too much caffeine or an all-night marathon of Top of the Lake because obviously you can’t just watch ONE episode. So if I’m hurting the next day, I have lots of different creams on hand to un-parch my hands and face.

Weleda Skin Food feels and smells like someone’s German granny’s secret blend of magic herbs. Like it’s the kind of thing you can only buy in the dead of night from some back-alley apothecary. The cream sinks in right away and is amazing for any flaky spots on my face and hands.

If I’m feeling super-decadent I add some Burt’s Bees Almond Milk Beeswax Hand Creme on my hands and cuticles. This stuff is crazy milky, which sounds gross, but when you have a boozy headache, it feels like you just rubbed your hands on a cloud.

EYES

Nothing gives me away faster than puffy eyes, and since you can’t wear sunglasses at work without looking like you’re reenacting Weekend at Bernie’s, I keep some Ole Henriksen Invigorating Night Gel at work to depuff and cool. I know it's an overnight face product, but I like how cold and gloopy it feels; and pretty quickly, my eyes say, “I got a full eight hours sleep, how ‘bout you?”

This is also a good time to put some mascara on so it looks like you still have eyes, but I find that if I haven’t slept great, I rub my eyes a lot, so I tend to skip it on my not-so-fresh days.

Products with green packaging blend in well with office supplies like scotch tape.

Products with green packaging blend in well with office supplies like scotch tape.

LIPS

On a regular day, when I bounce into work (ha ha, sure) all easy and breezy, I’ll wear my brightest lipsticks. Anything that says, “Look at me, look at me!”

If I’m decaying on the inside, however, I want whatever is the opposite. Like, honestly, please, “DO NOT LOOK AT ME. STOP LOOKING AT ME.”

I still want to look alive and pretty, though, so this is where I put my life in the hands of Maybelline Baby Lips. I have both Pink Punch and Cherry Me handy because sometimes you’re feeling red and sometimes you’re feeling pink--options! They moisturize and add a soft hint of colour, and you can reapply often without looking like a hungover clown.

BODY

Water is obviously going to save your life here, no question. But real talk: Sometimes water tastes disgusting, especially when your stomach is making a frowny face at your brain.

This is why I have a box of Emergen-C in Pink Lemonade at the office. Slam one of these in your water bottle and all of a sudden, you’re in a fizzy paradise full of electrolytes and antioxidants and other things that you’re not sure about but it makes you feel better to drink it so hopefully it’s not secretly bad for you like everything else.

Chug that as soon as you get to the office, and then slap some deodorant on, because there’s no way you remembered to put it on at home, and Jim from accounting will probably remark at how professional you are. Or if he doesn’t, at least you don’t feel like you’re a disgusting degenerate.

By lunchtime, you can continue your journey to healing by eating something greasy. Godspeed!