How I Covered Up The Evidence Of A Borderline-Cannibalistic Dance Floor Makeout Session

The lipstick and lip stain I used to hide my lip bruise, which is the hickey's less-sexy cousin.
Avatar:
Elizabeth L.
Author:
Publish date:
Social count:
54
The lipstick and lip stain I used to hide my lip bruise, which is the hickey's less-sexy cousin.

Makeouts happen. For me, the recent ones have happened on dance floors. (Henceforth, we’ll call these DFMOs.) They don’t always stay on the dance floor, though. Sometimes you wake up Monday morning and realize you spent time in a dark corner sucking face with Hannibal Lecter, Jr.

I woke up one Sunday after a night out with my lips feeling particularly plump after what I thought was a hot makeout session. I was wrong. It was one step away from straight-up cannibalism.

By the end of the day, I had a little bit of light bruising in the shape of teeth marks on my lower lip. In hindsight, I probably should’ve used a cold compress or something.

You can’t show up to a Monday morning department meeting when your upper lip is black from a DFMO. Letting your boss believe the alternative--that you got into a fight--is no good either.

So I covered up the evidence with the most opaque lip product I own: Kat Von D Everlasting Love Liquid Lipstick in Berlin.

What bruise?

What bruise?

You know how you hear about Mad Men-era makeup being super-pigmented and thick? Well, I imagine that this stuff has the same effect without being so heavy.

I wore it to the office, and people at work assumed I was going somewhere special after work, as they always do when I wear that shade. At the end of the day, I washed my face, took off the industrial-strength lip color with eye-makeup remover, and saw that the bruising had spread.

About a fourth of my upper lip was black, so I naturally showed it to my roommates, because that’s what you do. Then I snapped this grainy picture with my phone and texted it to my friends, because that’s also what you do.

Here’s me doing my best Miss Piggy impression, if Kermit decided he liked the taste of pork all of a sudden.

Here’s me doing my best Miss Piggy impression, if Kermit decided he liked the taste of pork all of a sudden.

That meant another day of wearing the same opaque Kat Von D lip color to the office, which I wear pretty often anyway. So no surprise there for my coworkers.

The next day I saw a little more fading, thankfully. I love wearing bold lip color, but having to do it takes all the fun out of it.

Almost in the clear, but still pretty obvious. 

Almost in the clear, but still pretty obvious. 

So I decided to go with my trusty and ironically named Revlon Just Bitten Kissable Balm Stain Smitten. It, like most bold lip colors, keeps me from looking like a corpse, which is almost always a good thing. (My dad actually picked it up for my Christmas stocking on his usual CVS run to buy candy and toiletries. Great job, Dad!)

Wearing the Just Bitten Balm Stain.

Wearing the Just Bitten Balm Stain.

The whole week at work, no one pointed out the bruise. A week and a half later it was still a bit visible when wearing just lip balm, but at least now I have a proven cover-up regimen for the next time this happens.

Because it will happen again.

Have you guys ever had to cover up an embarrassing makeout bruise? What’d you use?