Karl Lagerfeld: An Easy And Fashionably Hilarious Halloween Costume

Why WOULDN'T you aspire to be this self-proclaimed "multinational fashion phenomenon" this Halloween?
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Why WOULDN'T you aspire to be this self-proclaimed "multinational fashion phenomenon" this Halloween?

Ah, Karl Lagerfeld: the man known for revolutionizing the fashion house Chanel... and for saying things like, "Vanity is the healthiest thing in life." A man after my own heart.

"Think pink. But don't wear it." I see you're breaking one of your own rules there, Karl. 

"Think pink. But don't wear it." I see you're breaking one of your own rules there, Karl. 

I wouldn't call this a last-minute Halloween costume because unless you already have snow-white hair, a little preparation is needed. Still, this costume is insanely easy and will get a lot of laughs out of people who care about fashion--and blank stares from those who don't. But don't worry about those people. Just tell them "I hate intellectual conversation with intellectuals because I only care about my opinion." Problem solved. Thanks, Karl!

You only need five things: orange-tinted makeup, white hairspray (or, in a pinch, baby powder), some kind of hair product to hold your hair back, large dark sunglasses, and a dark suit with a tie. Oh, and a brazen willingness to offend. The guy has said some truly offensive things (and I hope you guys all understand that this is all in good fun, and is not meant to imply that I agree).

This is also a really affordable costume: the sunglasses and baby powder can be found at the dollar store, and the makeup, kabuki brush, and hair gel can be found at drugstores or Target. 

This is also a really affordable costume: the sunglasses and baby powder can be found at the dollar store, and the makeup, kabuki brush, and hair gel can be found at drugstores or Target. 

I started out with a bare, clean face and wet hair that I brushed back.

Karl said, "Everyone should go to bed like they have a date at the door." I go to bed looking like this. Sorry to let you down, Karl. 

Karl said, "Everyone should go to bed like they have a date at the door." I go to bed looking like this. Sorry to let you down, Karl. 

Then I covered my face in a BB cream that I bought that turned out to be way too dark for my skin tone. It gave me the perfect Karl Lagerfeld shade of too-tan. Don't forget to do under your jawline and your neck as well. Bonus points for remembering to coat your hands.

Then I used my Wet 'n' Wild Color Icon Bronzer in Ticket to Brazil for some contouring under my cheekbones, jawline, at the top of my forehead, under my bottom lip, and on my temples.

Suck in your cheeks and blend the bronzer into the hollow of your cheekbones using a big, fluffy brush. Mine is an e.l.f. Studio Kabuki Brush. 

Suck in your cheeks and blend the bronzer into the hollow of your cheekbones using a big, fluffy brush. Mine is an e.l.f. Studio Kabuki Brush. 

Finally, I used my finger to spread some bronzer in other areas of my face where Karl's is somewhat creased, especially around the laugh lines. To do this I just did a closed-mouth smile and blended the bronzer into those creases by my mouth.

Like this. And yes, this is the least flattering picture of me ever; I look like an Oompa Loompa. 

Like this. And yes, this is the least flattering picture of me ever; I look like an Oompa Loompa. 

That's it for the makeup!

For hair, all I did was brush mine back while wet and applied Short Sexy Hair Gel to hold it in place. If your hair is longer, you'll want to make a small, low ponytail.

Then you need to make your hair look white. Normally I would use the Jerome Russell B Wild! Temp'ry Color Spray that I used in my very first xoVain article, but none of the Walgreens near me stock it in white for some reason. You can order it from Amazon if you're smart enough to plan ahead.

Or you could do what I did, and use a hearty amount of baby powder. Just dump it on your head until your hair is entirely covered. This works best if you already have light-colored hair; for darker hair, definitely buy the white hair spray, which has much better coverage.

This is the final result:

"I'm very much down to earth; just not this earth."

"I'm very much down to earth; just not this earth."

For the clothes, I simply borrowed a black tie from my brother. The black blazer and white shirt are staples that everyone should have in their closet: "If you were to ask me what I wish I had invented in fashion, it would be the white shirt. It is the basis for everything. Everything else comes afterwards." The higher the collar of your shirt, the better. Karl favors big shirt collars.

"Sweatpants are a sign of defeat. You lost control of your life so you bought some sweatpants."

"Sweatpants are a sign of defeat. You lost control of your life so you bought some sweatpants."

The big, dark sunglasses are also very important. Of his, Karl said, "I'm a little short-sighted and when short-sighted people remove their glasses, they look like cute little dogs who want to be adopted." Oh, Karl.

"When I was four I asked my mother for a valet for my birthday."

"When I was four I asked my mother for a valet for my birthday."

You could also add a long, gaudy necklace and a pair of leather, fingerless gloves to complete the look. If anyone asks you who you are, look them up and down in disdain, tell them "I'm a one-man multinational fashion phenomenon," and walk haughtily away.