Hello, sweet spring bike babes! I had a busy week in which I went places and did things, but more importantly, I went places and did things while wearing scarves in my hair! Also I rode my bike, because obvs.
In my last article, I wrote about how j’mazing silk scarves are for cycling and some of y’all were like, “But how do you scarf your hair?” and I was all...
There are a lot of scarf-tying methods, but not all of them play nice with helmets. Audrey Hepburn has really good scarf game, but she is protected by fairies and unicorns, which is the reason why she doesn’t even wear helmets. Not only that, my go-to headscarf move has already been covered on xoVain, and I am a unique snowflake/idiomatic pony and don’t want to cover the same thing twice.
So here are two other ways of tying a headscarf to fit under your helmet to fool people into thinking you fancy. Parfait!
The Alle Connell: For a Bitchin’ Brunch with Girlfriends
Because when you talk scarves, you kinda gotta worship at the altar of the Queen of Scarves. I wear scarves in this manner whenever I’m trying to pretend that I am beautiful, polished and stone-cold sober: everything that Alle is.
Here are Alle’s instructions for tying a double bow. In order to make it helmet friendly, I brushed my hair into a side pony and reversed the orientation so the bow doesn’t get caught up in the helmet.
The best thing about this hairstyle is that it restrains your hair so you can arrange your face exactly two inches above and parallel to your brunch plate for unhindered eating. Like a boss.
The Blair Waldorf: For Making Returns at Schmancy Department Stores
We’ve all been there. Sometimes you go out with girlfriends and three tacos, two margaritas, and one-minute bike ride later, you’re making bad decisions at a schmancy department store (that will go unnamed but has a reputation for arresting folks of color who buy belts). The next morning, you wake up with a box of shoes that you haven’t previously owned. Really tall shoes with red leather soles that absolutely will not bike.
What do you do? I have no idea, I don’t know you.
Myself, I slam-a-jam all of the water (because one time I slam-a-jammed 2tbs of ACV on an empty stomach and went from fine to nauseous with spotty black-out vision in 12 minutes and have never slam-a-jammed anything but water since [KIDS, LET THIS BE A WARNING TO YOU]).
And then I tie a row of knots into a silk scarf because sometimes all you need to make a successful return is a whole lotta cajones and a scarf with knots that subtly foreshadows the kind of bodily damage that will ensue if the return isn’t processed before rent is due at the end of the month.
Are you with me now? Let’s get bitchy.
Those of you who have crocheted before will recognize these knots as the beginning chain stitch.
I hope this clarifies the whole scarf-with-a-helmet thing! Let me know if you try it.