I'm Waxing My Own Upper Lip for the First Time and Posting Close-Ups on the Internet

I will never forget how mortified I felt when my brother asked me, "Morgan, why do you have a moustache?" when I was 18.
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I will never forget how mortified I felt when my brother asked me, "Morgan, why do you have a moustache?" when I was 18.

Two of my mother’s personal care aversions that rubbed off on me growing up are tampons and waxing. While the tampon discomfort was overcome by the lure of hot tubs with boys as a teenager, it has taken me a little longer to warm up to the idea of waxing my body hair when less painful options are available.

The thing is, I grow some dark hair above my upper lip, and I don’t always have the patience for hair removal cream. It’s probably one of those things that I see way more than anyone else does, but I will never forget how mortified I felt when my brother asked me, "Morgan, why do you have a moustache?" when I was 18. (We were eating breakfast on holiday in Malta. I definitely hit him.)

But this is meant to be a documentation of my first time waxing my own facial hair, not a personal memoir. 

Man, it’s weird looking at your face this close up. Hello, nose hairs! You’re safe… for now.

Man, it’s weird looking at your face this close up. Hello, nose hairs! You’re safe… for now.

It started when I was offered a free brow wax when I was getting a pedicure, and I found the pain level more than tolerable. One of my personal-care priorities is being cheap, though, so I decided to take on the rest of the facial hair myself.

I had some Eylure brow shaping strips I had never been brave enough to try, and logic telling me that a moustache is basically an eyebrow for your mouth, I figured they’d be worth a shot. They are also conveniently pre-cut into shapes that fit just right between mouth and nose.

Mistake-proof!

Mistake-proof!

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Unfortunately, the Eylure brow shapers are little more than sticky tape, and they performed accordingly. The strip I tried hurt as much as waxing, but ripped about two hairs out, and I think those hairs were ready to come out anyway.

It’s all still there.

It’s all still there.

Anastasia Beverly Hills has a travel waxing kit that can be used on the upper lip. Anastasia is queen of eyebrows, but is she queen of the mouth-brow? With wax, you have to microwave then muslin strips to apply yourself; this kit isn’t as easy as pre-prepared strips, but by being a million times more effective, that point is immaterial. And to be fair, the hardest part was coordinating my boyfriend as photographer at the same time as waxing my face.

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The kit suggests you microwave the wax for a few seconds, but I found it took about two or three minutes to become malleable. You then scoop it up with a cuticle stick (you’ll need a few), smear it over the hair in the direction of growth and firmly smooth a muslin strip over it.

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xovain-waxing-muslin.jpg

This was all fine until it came time to rip the muslin off. I needed encouragement; if I didn’t have an audience, it would have taken much longer.

You can do it!

You can do it!

Sorry, it’s gross.

Sorry, it’s gross.

I missed some hairs very close to my lips because I was scared to get wax on my lips themselves, picturing some kind of gruesome, bloody mess. Also, the longer you mess with the wax, the harder it gets, so where you put it is kinda what you’re stuck with. I used chia seed oil to remove the bits that got left on my skin. How about the satisfaction of seeing all your hairs lined up in the wax, though?

I put makeup on! And there’s no moustache anymore!

I put makeup on! And there’s no moustache anymore!

Several weeks later I have no new growth, which is awesome and way more impressive than what I am used to with hair removal cream. I know my anxieties about visible facial hair are unfounded and probably vain, but if I can take a selfie without fixating on my moustache, that’s a win for me.

How do you deal with unwanted facial hair? Any tips for a newbie at-home waxer?