Have I ever told you I am a retired fashion stylist?
I started out in fashion magazines, and it was a natural thing in Singapore for fashion writers to double up as fashion stylists as well. After eight years of 4am call times to catch the sunrise, lugging bags and bags of clothes I could never afford, and plotting the death of the skinny little bitches I had to work with, I called it quits.
I revisited my past stylist life over the weekend, but this time, I was a “model” walking designer Kae Hana’s show at Audi Fashion Festival, Singapore’s fashion week. (“Model” in quotation marks because I was one of the five “real people” in the show.)
I was the finale girl. I had a badass white dress with a harness, and I could wear my own heels.
The only problem is I couldn’t wear underwear under the dress, so the whole time I was walking down the runway, I wasn’t worried that I’d fall; I was more worried that, with all the cameras and the lights on me, my vagina would be the star of the show.
Despite my nervousness, I learned a lot after spending seven hours backstage.
YOU CAN GIVE YOURSELF A FACELIFT WITH A HIGH PONYTAIL AND BONDAGE TAPE
Just as I was lamenting about how I never put my hair up, the designer insisted she wanted my hair in a high ponytail.
I protested for a bit, but when it’s 8am and I’m falling asleep in the Toni & Guy lead hairstylist’s chair, I couldn’t make a strong case for Victoria’s Secret curls.
They flat-ironed my hair, and they pulled it up right on top of my head before securing it with an elastic. They then wrapped a piece of bondage tape around the base of the ponytail show so it stays up before wrapping a portion of my hair around the tape so it stays hidden.
Bondage tape works really well because it’s made in a way that it won’t be painful when you rip it off your skin or, in this case, your hair. Just don’t ask me why I know it’s bondage tape they were using.
It looked like I was smizing the whole time, but really, it was my skin being pulled really tight.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BE A DIVA
If there’s one thing being BFFs with a hair and makeup artist has taught me, it is to clean your makeup brushes. Likewise, people who do their makeup on you should clean their brushes in between working on different people.
After my rashy skin last week, I couldn’t take any chances. I even brought him my own spritz-on brush cleaner because I’m super-anal like that.
HIGHLIGHT YOUR FACE LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT
After he was done pouting about my being a diva when it came to clean brushes, the NARS makeup artist who was working on me did some magic.
He highlighted my skin where light naturally hits my face, like the number three: from the center of my forehead, down to the tip of my nostril, and then going down and ending it smack in the middle of my chin before repeating the other side.
BOOK YOURSELF A SPA DAY AFTER FASHION WEEK
After working out like crazy, getting stressed over what to wear at each show, and getting even more stressed when you’re walking amongst lithe model beings, you deserve a break. I’m checking myself into a spa with a traditional Hammam.
See you on the other side, cupcakes.