I hate my nose. That’s my secret (and probably the most vain sentence I’ve ever published on the Internet).
In real life, I generally avoid talking about my nose. I don’t want to bring people’s attention to it, but I also understand that’s that’s a pretty superficial thing to say. I’m past the age of having public teenage cry-fests about myself. I mean, I’m obviously not a monster, so if I bring it up, people’s first reaction is usually (and understandably): “Shhh, your nose is fine.”
It is fine. It’s just crooked.
My septum is deviated--a fact that has been confirmed by my doctor. When I was a self-conscious teenager, I once asked him what was wrong with myself… er… my nose. He had a quick look and said that my septum, the bone and cartilage separating the nasal cavity, was a bit deviated.
I gasped in horror before he reassured me that most of the time, people have slightly deviated septums; it’s impossible to have a perfectly straight one. (Oh, nature, why are you so hard on us?!) My doctor also asked me if I remembered having an accident or anything involving a blow to the face. I said no, trying to repress the memories of sucking at dodge ball.
Unless you have sinus problems or trouble breathing, you can usually go on with your life with a deviated septum, and forget about perfection.
That’s what I did, until the day I decided to embrace my inner punk and bought a fake nose ring on Etsy. Go on, laugh. I mean, I just knew that a real, straight septum piercing would be impossible, so I went for a fake. (Clearly, I’m still a teenager.)
When I first tried on the ring--surprise! Since the metal hoop was resting on a crooked surface, it, too, was crooked.
I cried a little, and then I decided to give the ring to a friend of mine who has a straighter septum. It’s lovely on her. I have no feelings of jealousy at all. I swear…
However, I lied when I said that since talking to my doctor, I've lived worry-free about my nose.
There was a time (*cough* when I was working as a model agent *cough*) when I considered rhinoplasty. In my case, more precisely, septoplasty. But while taking care of the septum, I would probably also change the shape of my nose by diminishing the tiny bump that I have.
Again, it’s a pretty shallow thing, I know. But if one day I decided to go under the knife, I’d definitely do both.
I had the brilliant idea of extensively Googling the procedure. I even watched YouTube videos of nose jobs. It’s gross. There’s blood and sharp tools and flappy skin. It’s somehow a safe and simple medical procedure (in the hands of board-certified plastic surgeons, of course), but it just happens to look completely terrifying.
I calmed myself by remembering that I was lucky to not have any health problems so far due to my deviated septum. If one day I have to get corrective surgery, then I'll think about the aesthetic aspect. Because, honestly, the thought of weeks of convalescence, the pain, the money, and just the general trouble of going through that just for cosmetic reasons is enough to make me reconsider.
Do any of you have a deviated septum? Can you wear a septum ring? Have you considered or gotten a nose job?