“Wouldn't it be great if number one this Christmas wasn't some smug teenager, but an old ex-heroin addict searching for a comeback at any price?”--Billy Mack
Probably one of my favorite lines in Love Actually, the 2003 British holiday rom-com, Bill Nighy’s "Billy Mack" was done with such exasperated aplomb that I daresay he stole Christmas.
Turns out, Billy Mack’s Christmas tune went to number one with the aid of one cheeseball throwback music video, featuring a backup band of tarted-up Mrs. Clauses, hair slicked back behind a vacant stare, a la Robert Palmer’s iconic video vixens.
It is, in essence, a look made for resting bitch face. To be conventionally attractive is not enough--attitude in spades is required. Here’s what’s up.
Start by creating your resting bitch face base.
After applying a medium-full coverage foundation to give myself a flawless canvas, I applied concealer over my eyebrows to diminish their appearance a bit before painting on a slightly more dramatically arched brow.
Smoke out your eyes with shimmery browns.
Then I brushed a wash of shimmery taupe eye shadow over my entire lid, up past the crease. A dark brown shadow accents those creases in a smoky cut crease.
Double up on your cat-eye and plump your lashes.
After drawing a cat-eye with liquid liner, I went over it again with the dark brown shade to soften the line slightly. Volumizing mascara follows and your gaze is pretty much set to smolder.
Make those cheekbones pop and paint your lips ruby red.
Next, contour your cheekbones with a rosy-brown blush, sweeping it from just under your apples and up toward your temples. You want to look flushed in a sexy, slightly '80s way. Creamy red lips are the dot on the exclamation point of this look. I’m using Vincent Longo’s Meta Gloss lipgloss in Le Fiera.
Do it up.
The Billy Mack babe updo is part French twist, part victory roll.
Parting my hair on the side, I loosely twisted a top section of hair from front to back and pinned it in a loose bun. The rest of my hair was pinned into another loose, flat bun behind that bun. Set the look with hard-hold hairspray.
And now, you’re one bad holiday bitch. Smiling ceases for the rest of the evening.
If you happen to have a white marabou-trimmed red velvet dress, you can show up to any holiday party ready to rule a Christmas-themed girl gang, or possibly join an '80s haute-pop band. And while guests may quietly ponder whether the host ordered a festive stripper-gram, one dagger-look from you will set them straight.
- What’s your favorite holiday movie? I have zero shame admitting that Love Actually is one of mine.
- Do you own a white marabou-trimmed red velvet dress? All of the snaps to you if you do.