Soft, Glam, Retro Curls Because We All Love Old Hollywood Beauty

Basically, your life goal should be to look like anyone Madonna mentions in “Vogue.”
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Rachel
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Basically, your life goal should be to look like anyone Madonna mentions in “Vogue.”

A unique thing that makes me different from every other girl is that I’m suuuuper into old Hollywood stuff!

OK, sorry, sometimes I out-snark even myself. But, what I mean to say is, I am just like you and I, too, have spent most of my life staring at photos of dead women and crying. Rita Hayworth, Marilyn Monroe, Marlene Dietrich, Bette Davis, Lana Turner, I COULD GO ON.

Basically, your life goal should be to look like anyone Madonna mentions in “Vogue.” (Here’s to you, Joe DiMaggio-lookin’ ladies.)

But if you’re gonna strike a pose with the best of them, you need good hair. (That’s the worst sentence I’ve ever written. SIKE, it gets much worse from here.)

I’m talking about those pretty, soft, retro curls that ladies were all about back in the day. And, would ya look at that, most of them kept their hair length at their shoulders or above! Like me! I’m a staaaar.

So yeah, step one is to have short-ish hair. If you have long hair, get out of here, you hippie! JK, you can do this too! I’m an equal-opportunity whatever.

So the second step one is to get some hot rollers. Steal some from your weird aunt if you don’t have any. Or steal mine. I am everyone’s weird aunt.

I got mine from Walgreens, and they’re made by Studio 35. They work just fine, but they only come in sets of 10, which is NOT enough, even for my relatively thin hair. I didn’t realize this until far too late, but we’ll get to that later. I suggest buying a couple of these kits or buying a kit that contains way more curlers. Compare prices and do your thing.

I started with my hair totally dry and a little bit dirty, which works best for styling. If you have really curly hair naturally, try blowdrying it out. I blowdryed about half of mine, and then my arms got tired and I fell asleep. So, it was weird.

Part your hair in a deep side part.

HAVE YOU MET MY CAT HER NAME IS LUCY SHE IS VERY FAT I LOVE HER
 

HAVE YOU MET MY CAT HER NAME IS LUCY SHE IS VERY FAT I LOVE HER  

So you’ll need your rollers, hairspray, smoothing oil, hair clips, a comb and a bristle brush.

Oh, and bandaids. Keep reading! The pills and juice are because I’m a sicko. * cough *

Oh, and bandaids. Keep reading! The pills and juice are because I’m a sicko. * cough *

Comb your hair a bit and then divide it up. See that deep side part on the side of your head? Make another one in the same spot on the other side of your head. Then take all that hair on top and pin it up.

Then take a 2” piece of hair, and spray it lightly with hairspray. I (still) use BioInfusion Daily Rosemary Mint Spray because it’s not too heavy of a hold.

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Make sure to grab the hot rollers by their ends because, duh, the middle bit, where your hair goes, is hot! Roll the hairs up on the side of your head, like siding on a house. Then roll the middle section straight back, like railroad tracks. Make sure to spray each section lightly before rolling.

I couldn’t figure out how to keep the rollers on the side of my head from burning my ears, so I put band-aids on. Safety!

Like this.

Like this.

Then, realize you’re a huge idiot and you’re out of curlers and the back of your head is still uncurled. Hate yourself for 30 seconds, get over it, and grab a curling iron.

Retro mullet. Not very vogue.

Retro mullet. Not very vogue.

I use a small little ¾” Conair curling iron. I like using miniature styling tools when my hair is short, because it feels easier to manage. Also, they’re cheaper! Broke babes gotta get by.

If you have the proper amount of rollers, use bigger rollers closer to your face and the smaller ones in the back.

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So I curled the back of my head in more 2” sections, and then pinned the curls with bobby pins and metal clips.

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And then you wait! You want to wait until the curlers are completely cooled, but I waited even longer than that because I started watching Side Effects and I couldn’t walk away. Have you seen it? CRAZY, RIGHT?! You could also use this time to do your makeup, or read a book, or chat up hotties online. I don’t know your life.

Then, when you’re ready, remove the curlers! Take them out slowly, so as to not cause too many tangles. The curls will fall out in bouncy little rings, probably.

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Once you’ve removed all the curlers, gently brush through the curls section by section. Don’t brush too large of a section all at once, because that will decrease the volume of your hair. Then, spray your whole head with hairspray. Well, not your whole head. Don’t spray your face. You know what I mean.

I like to use the curling iron to curl my little bangs up and away from my face. Then, I sprayed just a bit of the smoothing oil and patted down the curls lightly, to add a bit of glamorous shine. I’m super into Organix Keratin Oil Weightless Healing Oil. I really wanna spray it on my cat because she smells bad but I’m not gonna, PETA.

You can use the curling iron to tweak any little pieces that aren’t looking the way you like. You can really do anything you want. Life is a beautiful adventure. Live, laugh, love.

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If you don’t pair this hair with a red lip, I don’t even know you. Oh, and this hair is perfect for lots of over-the-back longing stares.

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Oh, and this look can only be worn with sexy red dresses. AS A RULE.

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Who’s your favorite classic Hollywood bombshell? Have you used hot rollers? What do you while they cool down? Have I convinced you to cut your hair yet??