My friend Rose came in from London for a wedding this weekend, and I had to look super adorable because Rose is adorable personified. She's BRITISH.
I had, like, four hours to get that way, but there was a new Shark Tank on Hulu. And then, to get in the mood for being around British people all evening, I had to watch some Gordon Ramsay. And The Office finale? Did Steve Carell's cameo contract state that he'd be paid per line? See, this is why I don't watch television. Also, I don't have a television.
I had to wash it all down with some home-style King of the Hill on my ex-dude's Netflix account, which I realized was kind of weird and so I signed out of his Netflix once and for all.
Back to my hair, which was going on three days with no shower. And at this point, I was being a total dick to the ever-so-patient Rose. I put on my finest polyester slip dress (second finest; has anybody at the office seen the black one with the little yellow flowers all over it?) and, as karma goes, my bangs were being total dicks to me in the out-the-door process.
I had a sleeve of clips staring up at me, leftover from my latest $20 shopping trip. I secured a red one into the side-parted bangs directly next to my left eyebrow. The audible "snap!" signalled what was probably the most brain-exploding-ly easiest way I've ever gone from plain vanilla to jailbait.
I'm sure there's lots of new and interesting ways to wear these things--in groups, and all twisty/braid-y and stuff. Obviously you have the option to clip them to your fingertips and pretend they're the most heinous acrylics forever and ever. But that stuff's for dumb little baby third-graders who learned how to put on makeup while playing "Spice Girls" and wondering all the while if because you hated 'NSync, but couldn't take your eyes off of Ginger, that you were indeed a lesbian.
Just kidding, I typed half of this article with them on, to my friend like, "Lol remember when I had those really long creepy nails and you kept finding them all over your room and in your pockets?"
Anyway, I like just clipping one on either side of my head to hold the hair out of my face. It's simple and cute, rather than distracting. Sexy! Utilitarian! Hot new accessory! These clips are especially nice because they're big and come in nice colors that contrast with my hair.
I know they aren't extinct by any means, but I never see chicks my age wear these anymore. At what point did you guys stop and also explain yourselves.