General Beauty Life Updates And OMG WTF DID I DO TO MY HAIR?!

Also: growing out my busted nails and my key to perfect skin.
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Also: growing out my busted nails and my key to perfect skin.

I totally forgot to include this in my list of how-to-tell-if-you're-actually-in-a-high-end-salon tips: They take their time. Rome wasn't built in one day, I says! Mmmm basketball...

This week in new and exciting *~*Festival Hair*~* FLOWER CROWNS! Jk. jk...

This week in new and exciting *~*Festival Hair*~* FLOWER CROWNS! Jk. jk...

So yeah, I went in for my 4 o'clock appointment and left with some new head swish at 10. I'll save the details for tomorrow...

Any guesses to what I--just kidding--Marko did up there? Hmmm? I kind of remind myself of my all-time beauty idol--but, again, that's for tomorrow. **lops hair to the left***flips out of face**

In other late-breaking news, remember how I got those fake claw things on my fingers and then ripped them off like a total asshole next to lunching strangers at a taqueria counter? It's been about three and a half weeks, and here's a photo of my super-interesting nail regrowth process:

Disregard the cuticles. And the jagged edges. Just disregard the photo in general. 

Disregard the cuticles. And the jagged edges. Just disregard the photo in general. 

Do you see the light pink crescents growing in and pushing away that salmon-y section? That's the healthy, thick nail being like "OMG GTFO" to the busted area where the fakes were ripped off. If I let my current nails grow more than this, the tips are soo weak that they bend--forward AND BACKWARD OMG IT HURTS--on everything that they come in contact with. So I've been freebasing Sundown's gelatin capsules with the hopes that the new nails will grow quickly and super-healthy. (You can get them at Central Market.) It's definitely worked for me before...

They were super strong. I killed four people with them. 

They were super strong. I killed four people with them. 

Lastly, this:

Yep. I'm one of those. This, by the way, is the most delicious thing I've ever tasted. I'm gonna be making pineapple/mint/vodkas alllll summer. 

Yep. I'm one of those. This, by the way, is the most delicious thing I've ever tasted. I'm gonna be making pineapple/mint/vodkas alllll summer. 

I knowww, it's been done to death, but I'm on a juice cleanse. I'd be lying to you if I said that I was solely doing it for the skin benefits--I've had eating problems since I was 11! I don't barf anymore, but I can't help how my brain is wired, so if something's supposed to make me skinnier, and it's on the healthier side of habits, I'm down. I'm not, like, blowing coke all day and eating Cotton Clouds. But they're totally cute enough to eat! >^.^<

I would solely do it for the skin benefits, because I think it has miraculous healing powers. Remember when I briefly mentioned the one thing that was the "magical key to good skin"? It's juicing.

I had terrible skin after moving back to Texas from NYC early last year, and then I shoved a bunch of carrots and kale (or maybe mustard greens--I wasn't super-smart at groceries back then) into a juicer that I drove all the way to North Austin to buy one morning because Hannah said so. JESUS, I'm being such a skeez, I'll try to quit the Hannah references.

I lost a lot of weight when I did that. It was a bit (a TON) different from BluePrint. Making juice at home is exhausting in itself (buy tons of produce, lug it home, clean it, peel it, chop it, juice it--OMG get a nice juicer, although the arm-toning benefits of forcing vegetables down a cheap one are pretty damn great--clean up, and do it again the next day because fresh juice goes bad like yuck), so it kind of cancels out any claims of "Oh I have soo much energy from all the chlorophyll 'n' stuff!" Sometimes you even have to use your blender to make your own cashew milk or if you wanna throw a banana into the mix.

Better than losing weight, my skin was other-worldly. Even my mom was shocked, and when she told her BFF, my dermatologist (who knew first-hand how shoddy my skin was), she got kind of like, "Psh, whatever, no way." She didn't believe it!

Anyway, I'm trying out BluePrint for the first time, and it's great. Juicing companies are HUGE and it's not slowing down; I honestly and truly don't believe that this is some fad. Fresh juices are sooo great--they're totally normal in other countries. My hot Venezuelan friend keeps Insta-ing pics of the juice bars there that are outta control. And she's like "Ohh and here ees ze juhngle canopy biew frehm my childhoood room! Mmm mango jooz en ze morning, Eih lahve eet!"

Convenient fresh juices are the tits, obviously. I'm not lazy or being a princess--I just bought a Breville juicer for my apartment that I love, but the only reason I was able to do a DIY cleanse before is because I was taking time off to "become an artist" and did nothing all day except make juices and steal internet. And it was in Austin. Life in Austin can be done stoned, walking backwards.

I'll keep you guys updated on what juicing does for me this time around. I'm doing five days like a champ. My skin's been gross, and even grosser after a bad extraction experience, so I'm hoping it'll be nice and glow-y for Psyche Fest, where I don't plan on wearing any dumb makeup.

Meanwhile, let's talk more about my new hair in the comments. IT'S SO GOOD.