Mousse: Why Should Teenage Girls Living In Central New Jersey Circa 1991 Have All The Fun?

4 modern mousses (meese?) to help you achieve your special hair goals, like mermaid hair. (Disclaimer: Our definition of "mermaid hair" may differ.)
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Marci
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4 modern mousses (meese?) to help you achieve your special hair goals, like mermaid hair. (Disclaimer: Our definition of "mermaid hair" may differ.)

Most days, I wear my hair naturally wavy, flat-ironed, or what I call "enhanced wavy"--wrapping several sections around a curling wand for a few seconds to get smooth, loose curls.

But then there are days I want the ever-elusive MERMAID HAIR.

Now, I don't know about you, but to me, mermaid hair is none of the following:

  • Ariel from

    The Little Mermaid (too perfect)

  • Darryl Hannah as Madison in Splash (who knew they had crimpers in the ocean?)
  • Google Image results for "mermaid hair" (blue--can't mermaids have blonde and brown hair?)

No, mermaid hair, in my opinion, says, "I've been in and out of the ocean a lot today, and the only reason my hair is dry right now is because I've been having sex on a rock with a pirate."

Basically this:

Mermaids like cardigans and Ritz crackers, by the way.

Mermaids like cardigans and Ritz crackers, by the way.

The key to taking my hair from floppity waves to postcoitus manatee-lady: mousse.

But Marci, you say in your mind (also known as thinking), didn't you get enough mousse as a middle school cheerleader in New Jersey in the early '90s?

No. No, I didn't. In fact, I think I might be the only girl in the 1991 squad photo who didn't have mousse in her hair.

There are three Jennifers in this photo.

There are three Jennifers in this photo.

I realize mousse seems like a relic, but its purpose--its purposes--will never not be useful. And it does different things for different people!

On someone with fine hair, it can lift roots and create the illusion of more thickness. On wavy hair like mine, it can encourage curl and volume.

In the photo above--the one that I'm not 12 years old in--all I did was run a dollop of RUSK Being Sexy Mousse through my wet hair, separating and coaxing curls by twisting sections of hair and wrapping them around my finger to shape, flipping my head upside-down to do some scrunching, and letting it air-dry.

It's been crazy-humid in the city, so my hair got a little frizzy between my apartment and the office, but I actually don't mind it. Mermaids don't have pockets to carry a bottle of argan oil. (And if they do, I don't want to know where they are.)

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In addition to the varying services your basic, straightforward mousse can provide, modern mousses have super-specific abilities.

Bangstyle Volumizing Mousse is easily the thickest mousse I've ever sprayed. (Do you spray mousse? Dispense it? Shpoosh it? I think you shpoosh it.) That thickness transfers to you hair, making it look fuller. Already-thick hair can be manipulated to look downright gigantic with this stuff.

Amazingly, it's not sticky or heavy, despite looking like shaving cream. And it smells like a tropical dream. A tropical dream where a mermaid is having sex with a pirate.

Dove Nourishing Amplifier Mousse is like the registered nurse of mousses. It doesn't just want to style your hair--it wants to take care of it.

In addition to making your hair adorably bouncy, it enriches it with collagen and folic acid--you know, the stuff in prenatal vitamins. So if your hair is planning to get pregnant, you should definitely use this so it has a healthy hair baby.

Color Wow Brass Banned Correct & Perfect Mousse is the true overachiever of this bunch. Sure, it makes styling your hair easier, but let's say you're a brunette who doesn't want her hair to turn reddish or orangey; the dark-hair version is teal to keep rich brown shades truer.

Blue foam would be fun to use even if it didn't have color-preserving benefits.

Blue foam would be fun to use even if it didn't have color-preserving benefits.

Perhaps you're a blonde who'd prefer that her hair doesn't get too yellowy; the version for blonde hair has a pale violet tint to counteract brassiness.

And as we've established, contrary to what Google Images may tell you, mermaids can have any hair color they want.

Oh, and because we were talking about mermaids, I just want to mention that the Coney Island Mermaid Parade, one of the most fabulous, colorful, everyone-is-welcome celebrations of kookiness in the country, is at risk of being cancelled because of Hurricane Sandy's aftermath. You can help make it happen this year by tossing a few bucks their way via Kickstarter.

Do you ever use mousse? Tell me your favorite!