Making A Case For The Side Ponytail

Because this is what my hair does anyway, so let's just do the damn thing. And tell me I don't have hobbit feet.
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Annie
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Because this is what my hair does anyway, so let's just do the damn thing. And tell me I don't have hobbit feet.

There's not a lot of scientific, in-depth beauty discussion to be had here. My ponytails, no matter how nicely I comb them back to the middle of my crown, will inevitably migrate to the left. But see, I flop my hair over to the left all day every day, so I get it. I ain’t even mad!

I mean, just look. I’m adorable.

Rubberbands are great hair ties--and STFU, yes they are. Your hair won't slip down in to a flacid neck-pony. Just don't, like, pull them out like a dumdum and they won't damage your delicate hair. Rubberbands won't, however, keep my ponytail in the middle. One of life's great mysteries, indeed.

Rubberbands are great hair ties--and STFU, yes they are. Your hair won't slip down in to a flacid neck-pony. Just don't, like, pull them out like a dumdum and they won't damage your delicate hair. Rubberbands won't, however, keep my ponytail in the middle. One of life's great mysteries, indeed.

I was going to try to come up with some witty pop culture reference to throw in--I was thinking something Kimmy Gibbler-related. It would have been mean; I DESPISE that bitch. Ugh, my parents would’ve never put up with me having a friend like that. They’d probably let us watch Blade at a sleepover or something so that she’d go blab about it to her parents, who in turn would never let her come over again. Problem solved. Looking back, stuff like this happened quite a few times and was probably why I had no friends.

But when I Googled side ponytails, I’m bombarded with the most yawn-inducing curled, low, bump-it-ed, over-the-shoulder, side-parted ponytails that make me get that tight feeling at the bag of my throat… gag! That’s what it’s called. Gagging. They make me gag.

It’s gotta be high and tight. It’s gotta look weird from the opposite, pony-less side--there is no other way. Can we all begin seeing this as an acceptable hairstyle once more? For the sole purpose of making my life a little easier, because I’m not sure I’m capable of wearing a ponytail any other way.

On a totally unrelated note, I need your input.

I’m starting back up with pilates classes because I love not having any money. This morning was my first session with Crystal, who was great, by the way, but I totally didn’t consider the fact that she’d have to be touching my feet.

If you're looking for a totally relaxing nail-chipping experience, try that using that OCC glitter I talked about before. It's really fun to peel/chip off. 

If you're looking for a totally relaxing nail-chipping experience, try that using that OCC glitter I talked about before. It's really fun to peel/chip off. 

Be honest, as a pilates instructor (there has to be at least one or two reading this, right?), would you be grossed out by calloused hobbit feet? Do I need to stress about this every week? This is a huge issue, because it would mean, at the very least, that I need to go to Ricky’s and get a pumice thing, and then remember to use it in shower.

I have so many responsibilities, I don’t--I can’t even. I have too much on my plate right now. I have curtains to hang, and it requires me to go to Home Depot or whatever. Just tell me it’s OK and that she’s a professional and they’re not that bad.