So we’ve all seen American Hustle by now, right? I enjoyed it far too much. I think it changed my life.
First of all, I think I’ve decided on a career path now. Writing full-time has been fun, but I’m far too clever (read: sociopathic) for the editorial world. I’ve found my calling in con-artistry.
Second, I need to re-prioritize my life and dedicate serious woman hours to becoming the glamorous, manipulative, shiny sex-bomb I was born to be.
My only resolutions for 2014 are to become richer and hotter. Thanks to American Hustle, I think I can do both. So while I figure out breaking into the world of art scams and political sting operations, I’m working on slowly but surely becoming Jennifer Lawrence’s character, Rosalyn Rosenfeld.
Let’s talk about JLaw’s hair in this film. That heap of curls atop her pretty, dizzy head? Those tousled tendrils of ringlets? The golden blonde with just the right amount of roots grown in? It’s very post-makeover-Sandy-Olsson-meets-drunk-Gibson-Girl, which is now my official look in this The Year of Our Lord JLaw 2014.
In the film, Jenny wears a wig. My hair rests above my shoulders, but that’s no reason I can’t do this look without a wig. If you have short hair but want to be a sexy mess, too, follow me!
The first thing we need is VOLUME. (Mandatory all-caps.) A good way to get VOLUME in your hair is to bleach it. Alternately, put your hair in Velcro rollers.
For maximum VOLUME, wash your hair and blow-dry it upside down. I have to sit down to do this since my blood sugar is always low because I never remember to eat until, like, 8PM, and then I’m too tired so I just make a Nyquil smoothie and writhe around naked on the floor until I’m asleep, so…
Blow-dry your hair almost all the way dry and then put the rollers in. Wave the dryer over your hair once it’s in the rollers, and then let your hair set for an hour.
If you don’t want to pre-wash your hair, just spritz it with water a bit and then put the rollers in, then dry a bit and let set. I can tell you from experience, the first method will give you way more VOLUME to work with.
While you wait for your hair to reach its potential, put your face on and stalk your ex’s new girlfriend on Instagram. After about an hour, or however long you can wait, remove the curlers and shake your hair out. You look awesome already.
Don’t get trigger-happy with the hairspray yet, because we’ve still got to do quite a bit with your hair.
Flip your head over, grab your hair from the bottom and twist as if you were going in for a French. Keep grabbing pieces to twist into the larger twist, so nothing gets left out. I’ve found it helps to do this in front of a tall mirror.
Pin the twisted bit up near the top. If you need to, pin some of the wispy pieces down under the twist. Spray it in place.
For accuracy’s sake, use Elnett. Marci and I disagree about whether this product makes sense in the film, but the moral of the story is that I will buy anything a pretty movie tells me to buy because I am a vapid plebe. Plus, Elnett is great!
Next, flip your hair to one side, grab half of it, and pin it up loosely.
So at this point, the only hair that’s down should be on one half of your head.
This next part’s a bit complicated, and you sort of have to eyeball it: Grab the rest of your hair, pull it up and pin it on top of the back section that’s already pinned up. Twist it as you do this, so that the hair that remains sticking out is sticking towards the top of your head rather than the side.
Tuck pieces in under each other, so that too many ends aren’t sticking out. I used a small curling iron to curl some of the pieces on top under, so that they didn’t stick up oddly.
Finally, I used that curling iron to curl my bangs up and towards the back of my head and then sprayed the hell out of them so that they blended in with the rest of my hair on top.
I used my fingers to loosen up everything and give it a bit more oomph on the top. If you have a bit longer hair, curl the pieces on top and let them bounce around on your head while you clean the house and blast “Live and Let Die.”
Pair this look with a glossy lip and cleavage.
Will you be trying this look? Will you enter into a life of crime with me?