I'm Growing Out My Hair So I Can Have A Rattail

I can't wait until my hair gets longer so I can cut off all but one little piece in the back.
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Jesse
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I can't wait until my hair gets longer so I can cut off all but one little piece in the back.

I was born in Little Rock, Arkansas, where you can’t pass a Winn Dixie without seeing each good ol’ boy sporting a rattail, and where toddlers have ones long enough to impress Cousin Eddie. Home of Bill Clinton, Beth Ditto, and Joey Lauren Adams. I mean--Southern by birth, Arkansan by the grace of God! (I have been back there literally once since I was five.)

I’m also half (OK, a quarter) Greek, and the kids over there can’t get enough of the rattail. From about 2 to 25, they are everywhere (some also with a mohawk or mullet combo), whipping by on motorized scooters and drinking more freddo cappuccinos and smoking more cigarettes than I thought humanly possible.

What I’m trying to say is, it’s my destiny to be enamored of, enthralled by and obsessed with the rattail. Anyone who knows me would not expect any less.

Now my dirty-little-secret wish for this style has been solidified for greatness thanks to none other than supermodel Daria Werbowy and Dutch hairstylist Christiaan. Ever since he chopped Dot’s (yeah, we're like that now) hair last July, leaving only a bleached braided tail, I have been a-yearnin' for this style.

Perfection.

Perfection.

Unfortunately it takes time, patience, and dedication to pull off such an elegant ‘do, and as I am growing out my chop, I have to faux-rattail until the text time I cut a significant amount off my hair and can leave my very own little tuft. SIGH. But, like I always say (I have literally never said this): "Fake it till you make it!"

I mean, when the baddest bitch alive (Rihanna, obvs) sports something faux-pas, you know it's about to be straight-up PAS soon (I have no idea if that makes one iota of sense, but I’m sure you are picking up what I’m throwing down). Riding that frosty wave out of jheri curl isle, Rihanna jumped into the rattail rodeo in the last month or so, and it looks right.

Sam McNight also did a badass recreation of Fendi’s FW13 runway look complete with a rattail-esque french braid and fox fur mohawk. Genius. Gorgeous. Ugh.

For all you long-haired ladies, you are the luckiest of all. You can score a zero commitment rattail on the regular, whenever, wherever you want. Pull your hair up nice and high, grab a (small) chunk at the nape of your neck to leave out, braid, and voila! I’m already so jealous.

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Mine looks like the above. Tragic. Unfortunately, though, until my hair grows and I can leave an intentional one a-la-Daria I’ll just have to fake it.