I don’t know if anyone noticed, but I hadn’t been doing any xoVain articles for a while. Months went by. The reason was I felt way too ugly to even think of recommending anything.
My hair had become so unmanageable and misshapen, I felt I didn’t have the authority to say anything looked good. It was breaking off, and I was so depressed about it. I didn’t feel like myself at all; I was miserable every day about my hair. It sounds shallow, because it is. I know there are bigger problems in the world than my hair. I just choose to obsess over it to the point of distress for reasons unbeknownst to me.
This all changed when I decided to just cut bangs.
This was about a week after I practically screamed “nooooooo” to the idea of someone else getting bangs; not because I knew I wanted them, but because I was still adamantly anti-bangs since I grew mine out a couple years ago.
I realized I’m a huge hypocrite when it comes to hair. I do things to my own hair that I would never want someone else to do. I guess after all the bad haircuts and bad highlights, I kind of gave up on myself. But at the same time, I idolize other people’s hair--especially people with the patience to do absolutely nothing with it, which, in my opinion, results in the best-looking hair. (I have major hair envy issues. Maybe my obsession with hair has something to do with being practically bald until kindergarten.)
The recent condition of my hair was a big source of negativity in my life. It was fried, weird-shaped, and had about two inches of brown roots showing. I didn’t want to go anywhere or do anything, because I just wanted to hide until my highlighted hair completely grew out. I felt like I was constantly checking it to see if it grew out yet. I was hoping it would just miraculously become some sort of ombre at a certain point.
I also got a trim, and they gave me these uneven face-framing layers that were really unflattering, in my opinion, and six weeks later, the face framing layers just emphasized how thinned out and messed up my hair was at the ends.
It was a nightmare. Having hair you hate sucks a decent amount of joy from everyday life. And in case you can’t tell, my hair is directly connected to my mental state.
Due to all the breakage I was experiencing, I didn’t think there was any way I could be OK with my hair in the near future. Being blonde when you’re a natural brunette is a big commitment, and I didn’t have the wherewithal to think that through when I took the plunge.
A year later, I am not in a position financially to go to a salon for even a haircut, so I have been just letting my roots grow. It started getting painfully boring, though, with little payoff, and I was really unhappy with the thinness of my hair, especially the front, which was completely uneven and full of split ends you could probably see from a mile away.
It got to a point where I had to do something. I wanted to look presentable, at least. But I thought I needed to do something drastic, like get a pixie, which I already know I would hate from past experience. I thought I was stuck with my hair, perpetually waiting. I was in a major rut.
One day, I asked my boyfriend what to do, because he usually gives me really good hair and makeup advice. To my surprise, he said bangs. I was all like, “No way!” But then, to entertain the thought, I folded a small section just below my eyebrows to see what it would look like. It completely changed the way I saw my hair. It was like instant nostalgia!
Before any of my friends could text me back when I asked them if I should get bangs, I already had the scissors in my hand. I used to have bangs when I was younger, so I knew not to cut too much hair. I’ve had bangs that ate up half my hair before, it was terrible. (Nearly all my hair mistakes are self-inflicted, so I have no one else to blame. )
I just took a tiny section from the front, coincidentally the most uneven, ratty and damaged, and snipped small sections with the scissors pointed straight toward my hair so the bangs would lay flat. I didn’t use fancy scissors for this, because my hair at the top usually gets oily, and my roots aren’t damaged. (Using dull scissors on damaged hair can actually make damage worse because the hair doesn’t cut cleanly.)
Most of my bangs are roots but some of them have blonde tips, which helps it not look like helmet-head. I was afraid of that, but I am pretty happy with how my bangs came out. I can always pin them back if I miss seeing my forehead or anything.
I guess the moral of the story is that cutting bangs instantly lifted my spirits and I’m no longer in hiding. I feel like I’m 20 again! Who knew something so simple would make me feel like a different person?
I hope having bangs will help take away some of the pain of growing out my bleached hair and trying to get back to my natural color.