Is This $300 Blow Dryer As Amazing As Celebrities And Models Say?

It IS really cute...
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It IS really cute...

As far as cult products and tools go, I am generally never in the loop, and by the time I get in the loop, the loop is in another loop. I am perpetually wearing white after Labor Day, if you know what I mean. 

I mean, I did catch on when everyone said sulfates were bad and when people said ceramic heat styling tools were SO MUCH healthier for your hair… which is kind of like saying a fire burn is healthier than a steam burn, but whatever. 

One time, fully immersed in an Instagram k-hole (when you keep clicking on tags within tags and end up scrolling through hundreds of snaps of some Scandinavian model you’ve never heard of but has a thematically pleasing account), I stumbled upon a candid snap of Ashley Olson wielding an unassuming flat iron with some caption saying how she loves using Harry Josh styling tools. 

Who is this Harry Josh? Why does he have two first names? Is he the first member of One Direction to diversity his personal brand and go into product marketing? A simple #HarryJosh hashtag search cues up lots of model shots doing the same “I love my HJ ____!” kind of excited caption.

I’ve never had any issues with my Conair Cord Keeper, having purchased it for its ability to store its appendages within itself (and the $30 price tag). It gets the job done and I enjoy pressing the button that makes the handle violently whip the cord back into itself. Makes for a really satisfying grooming experience.

But, lo and behold, the day would come when little orphan me gets my hands on a Harry Josh Pro Tools Dryer 2000. (You know it's legit when there's a four-digit number following the name). 

Beauty tool or ray gun? YOU DECIDE.

Beauty tool or ray gun? YOU DECIDE.

At 300 bones, the device looks modest enough in a cute mint color and a simple, nearly throwback, stout shape. Travel-friendly, at least! 

It has all the familiar switches and buttons, a generous length of cord, and comes with two similar concentrator attachments--flat and flatter. (Yet for the three-figure price tag, no diffuser. What gives?)

Getting mad about it.

Getting mad about it.

I rarely heat-style as it is, especially after having gone blonde, because my hair is pretty dry normally, so the idea of evaporating whatever moisture remains seems just plain sadistic to me. But if this expensive little device promises magic frizz-eliminating ions flying at my head at 80MPH while I get the fastest blow job on the market (and energy-reducing technology too, natch), I’ll take it up on that dance.

Does putting your hair dryer attachment on sideways make it more gangster? YOU DECIDE.

Does putting your hair dryer attachment on sideways make it more gangster? YOU DECIDE.

It’s definitely got a set of lungs on it if you have it on the high setting. It appears that you can do hot or hotter, and medium or high speed. Also there’s the ions or no-ions switch, which should always be switched to ions because why wouldn’t you? You can’t see, feel or smell them, but I feel like the ions that modern hair dryers always promise are like hair fairies--they only exist if you believe in them.

That bottom switch, is it for science or time travel? YOU DECIDE.

That bottom switch, is it for science or time travel? YOU DECIDE.

Other than the serious gust, the one thing that impressed me was that the cool-shot trigger was indeed a cool shot. Pressing it gave me cooler than room-temp air in two seconds flat; it doesn’t just NOT heat the air, it actually makes it cold. If you’ve ever been in a semi-rush and want to style your hair and then set it, this is a crucial feature, since if you heat-style hair and then just let it go, the hair will just fall to gravity’s whims since it’s too warm to hold tight. (Annoying, considering I always finger-dry, and having to hold onto a clod of hot hair as I let it cool in twisty formation is a pain.)

Now, does anyone NEED a $300 hair-styling tool? I’m pretty sure the answer will always be “not so much” because if you’re really that unhappy with your hair, I urge you to just get a treatment that will cure what ails you and be done with it.

However, does my hair look fly after my billionairess blowout? Oh yeah. But that might be in conjunction with my master finger-hair-twirling skills. Sure was a quickie, though!

Oh Harry, how you spoil me so!

Oh Harry, how you spoil me so!

Do I feel a little closer to Ashley Olsen for owning the same hair-styling tool? Sure, but she still hasn’t responded to my tweet: “Thanks for the recommendation, Ashley--best HJ ever!”