Now that it’s dark by the time I resurface from the subway during evening rush hour, things have been feeling all heavy and pensive-like. At first, I though it was the prospect of six months of parka-clad misery ahead of me in the steely winters of NYC. And then I thought maybe I was experiencing a latent bout of seasonal depression.
And then I got kind of bored with feeling weird and did what any young slice entrenched in ennui would do: I got a haircut.
Save for my biannual dusting, I haven’t given way to a big chop since two years ago when I lopped off my boob-length mermaid tresses in favor of some wacky bob in some passive aggressive coup against a candidly narcissistic ex-boyfriend (ahh l’amour). In fact, I’ve been trying to regrow the glory of my shiny, bountiful man-trappers (haha, just kidding, those are my hands) ever since. I’m pretty much back on track, sans bangs this time around and in no hurry to revert.
Having rather thick hair, it tends to get a bit hippie-cult-member-looking if not shaped into proper load-bearing formation. Wanting to get rid of the bulk without sacrificing length, I got in touch with the one cowboy I knew who would do me right. Enter Zeph, who I met at Arrojo Salon in Soho in my hair-model budgeting days of yore. (He’s not really a cowboy as far as I know, he just wears a lot of western shirts).
Zeph actually was the one who Sampsoned me the first time around and dubiously accepted my request for him to cut me again on one condition.
The cool thing about volunteering to let a budding professional hack at your looks sort of freestyle (don’t worry, they’re always supervised by salon stylists) is that sometimes a hookup is extended second time around when they’re seasoned pros. Which is great for someone as broke and in need of grooming as me.
After countless clients, Z really stepped up his game and, using only a razor, took me from regular to deluxe in less than an hour flat.
After watching all my freshly snipped strands get swept up by the lowly students, and a swift blow-dry later, I walked out of the salon feeling 10 pounds lighter! But just on my head!
What a difference layering makes, after having mostly one-length hair. My hair has movement and the layers make what waves are left in my hair look all nice and flippy. Before, my other go-to hairstyles involved “bun” and “ponytail” and on special greasy occasions “braids,” but I was suddenly struck with all the possibilities of having multi-level hairs.
So, I give to you: Things You Can Do With Your Hair Now That You Don’t Look Like A Hippie Cult Member
The Faux Bob
OK, I know that this has been a “thing” amongst certain crowds who are probably into buying As Seen On TV gear (anyone have any success with that Wax-Vac?), but I’m into this sleight-of-hair trick after now being able to pull it off.
I just took the top layers and clipped them on top of my dome so I can put the bottom layers in as flat a bun as I can squash against the lower back of my head; it helps to use those hair combs used for supporting updos rather than a rubber band to get it to lie flattish.
And then release the Kraken! By which I mean the top layers of your hair! Voila, you just took your Business Casual up a notch.
Bardot-Inspired Messy Pigtails
I mean, it’s pretty effortless. You just put your hair into two low pigtails and then tug the hair from behind the band a bit so it’s not too tight-looking.
Add some volumizing/texturizing product to the tails to up the sex. Muss up the front pieces a bit and you are an instant sexpot/creep magnet.
The Poofy Half-Updo
This is something I couldn’t really do with a ton of long hair and expect to last. It’s much easier to create serious height in your hair with minimal teasing when it’s a lighter load to bear. It’s like building the pyramids vs. whipping up meringue--I know, two completely unrelated metaphors! That’s how different it is!
But seriously, it’s so easy to get that Dusty Springfield 'do with just some volumizing mousse in top sections of my hair and then pinning it in place for a vintage spin on my favorite lazy-girl “eh, I tried” hairstyle. It’s a perfect dichotomy between wholesome '60s prom queen and retroactive sex kitten.
You may have noticed I’ve said “sex” like, so many times in this post. I hear sex sells though, and I’m trying to tell you what a good idea long layers are in your hair.
For a while I felt like long layers were the LA staple, as the asymmetrical bob is to NYC. That will dawn on you when you search “long layered hair” on Pinterest and it’s all pictures of Selena Gomez and J.Lo. But let’s put geography and my absurd generalizations aside and just go with this for a minute. Medium- to long-haired mavens, I beseech thee. Get on my level.