My hair is a curly, frizzy nightmare. Once straightened and doused in half a litre of oil with some hairspray on top (just in case), it looks good down. But as I grow up and am forced by the cruel world to look like a real adult, I find myself needing a way to get it off my face without looking like I have an animal on my head.
I mean, a cross between Medusa and a freshly washed cat is fine when I'm setting off for a run--gets people out of my way like you wouldn't believe. But it's a little less acceptable at places that are paying you money to be there. (Side note: never wash an outdoor cat. I still have scars.)
So I was at a friend's house the other day, and we started talking about hair. Did I say talking? I meant whining. She was telling me about how she couldn’t do a nice updo with chopsticks and I figured I’d give it a shot because I was completely certain I’d fail miserably, and misery loves company, right?
So I twisted my hair around and then forced a chopstick into it. Once the chopstick was in, I let go of my hair, and I don’t know if the stars aligned, karma figured she owed me one, or that one prayer I said two weeks ago did something, but my hair stayed up! And it looked good!
I swear I almost passed out in shock. But I didn’t, because if I did, I might hit my head and forget how to do it, and then I couldn’t tell you, now could I?
You’ll need a chopstick or two, depending on how secure you can get your hair with just one. I’m not a real adult yet, so these are actual sushi chopsticks. My hair-chopstick-endowed friend is busy writing her final, and my lens is off getting repaired in what I think might be Narnia at this point, so I had to work with what I had--a borrowed lens and a take-out chopstick is what it is. I was going to use a pencil for that whole “oh look at me sexily put up my hair at work” look, but I couldn’t find one. I don’t know what it says about me that I found no less than six chopsticks in my room but zero pencils.
Anyway, I did this on fourth-day hair the first time, and I’m doing it on third day hair now. People say not to do updos on freshly washed hair or overly greasy hair because they both tend to be too slippery. My hair is very rarely either of those, so I didn’t stress over it.
Oh, and you might also want some hairspray if you’re paranoid about this all collapsing like I am.
Grab your hair in a low ponytail. Then, holding the ponytail with your left hand, slide the chopstick--point facing up--diagonally under the ponytail. Now, twist the chopstick around in a clockwise direction, making sure that when you stop twisting, the pointy end is facing up.
I can only twist it around once before feeling like my hair is about to be pulled out of my scalp, but twist it around as many times as you can.
Throughout the rest of the steps, make sure you’re holding onto the ends of your hair very tightly as this twist isn’t solid until the very end.
Push the chopstick through the twist until you’re holding onto the very tip of the blunt end. Now you’ll want to flip the chopstick so that the point end faces down. To do this, pull the blunt end away from your head until it’s almost horizontal and the pointy end is poking your scalp.
Now keep going with that motion until the blunt end is the one at the top. The pointy end should now be just a little tucked into the top half of your twist, like so:
Push the chopstick into your hair until you have about the same amount poking out at the top and the bottom. For this to work, you have to make sure to push the pointy end through both the hair in the twist and the hair that’s right below it, if that makes sense.
Now carefully let go of your hair and take a look. If you’re like me, it’ll look a little wack the first few times, but I swear it gets easier with practice.
If you have layers like I do--my shortest layer is a good four inches shorter than my longest--then you will have ends sticking out here and there. If you care, you can bobby pin those into place. If you don’t, just rearrange them till they don’t look crazy. Remember, we’re not going for the freshly washed feline Medusa look. You can also use a bit of hairspray at this point.
And you’re done! If you have bangs or nice face framing pieces, arrange them nicely. I’d tell you how but I don’t know how, so if you have any tips for that, then please holler down below.
So, will you try this? Did my instructions help at all?