This Perfume Is a Sext in a Bottle

No, seriously. It's called Voulez-Vous Coucher Avec Moi.
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No, seriously. It's called Voulez-Vous Coucher Avec Moi.

I should probably have a degree in Flirtatious Texting Studies, a totally made-up college program that sounds a little classier than Sexting 101. I'm really, really good at sexy texting. Like, really good. I’ve gotten my friends laid because of my skills. Maybe it's because I used to peep into my mom's romance novels when I was a kid, or maybe it's because I have an active imagination. 

Whatever it is, I’m good at it, and now I’ve found a perfume I can wear while I’m sending suggestive Kimojis.

By Kilian's new white floral is pretty much the equivalent of a "U up?" text. It's not shy about its intentions, which are all very, very sexy. Really — the fragrance is called Voulez-Vous Coucher Avec Moi. As in, “Do you wanna sleep with me?” 

How great is that? Someone will ask you what you’re wearing, and you’ll have to be like, “Voulez-Vous Coucher Avec Moi.” I love a perfume that doesn’t beat around the bush and has a sense of humor about it. 

Is this perfume the fragrant embodiment of Christina Aguilera in that Moulin Rouge video? Not quite – I’d say it aligns more with the actual Satine than those ‘00s pop stars in their satin hot pants. It’s a smoldering temptress, if you will.

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By Kilian’s fragrance line is fancy. The perfumes often come in these glossy, lacquered black boxes with a key, nestled in a bed of silky black fabric. They’re not cheap, either, and while I (like Sia) love cheap thrills, there’s something so seductive about a big-money white floral that I can’t resist. 

It’s basically the equivalent of a dude being like, “Come over. I’ll make you coffee with one ice cube in the morning, just the way you like it.”

It’s basically the equivalent of a dude being like, “Come over. I’ll make you coffee with one ice cube in the morning, just the way you like it.”

Voulez-Vous is a classic BWF with its heart firmly planted in the loud, brash ‘80s. At first spritz, you know this fragrance isn’t playing around. It’s not gonna be the coy sexting partner who sends suggestive pics but never follows through. VV is coming over! VV is getting down to business! 

Up top, Voulez-Vous is all creamy, femme-fatale tuberose and gardenia with a blast of my beloved ylang-ylang thrown in for good, sexy measure. As VV settles into the warmth of your skin, a dark, smoky vanilla takes center stage and flirts around with sandalwood. 

"Send me a pic. Do a duckface."

"Send me a pic. Do a duckface."

This is not a perfume for anyone who likes fresh, light fragrances. VV is a big, loud, sexy beast. She wafts. She flirts. She’s the one texting, “I WANT U.” This fragrance, like Britney Spears in her prime, is not that innocent. I’m telling you — this perfume plus your favorite sexy black lace lingerie is a never-fail combination. 

  • Which scents smell sexiest to you? 
  • What kind of lingerie do you wear when you wanna feel super-hot? (Is that weird? Probably. We're all friends here, right?) 
  • Who was your favorite member of the "Lady Marmalade" crew?

Photos by Amy Gee.